


Under My Skin

by righteousbros



Series: Tattoo Shop 'Verse [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Tattoo Parlor, Body Modification, Bottom Jared, Bottom Jensen, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex, Past Drug Addiction, Rimming, Switching, Tattoos, Top Jared, Top Jensen Ackles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-08
Updated: 2013-05-08
Packaged: 2017-12-10 19:33:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/789357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/righteousbros/pseuds/righteousbros
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared owns a tattoo parlor and Jensen is his shop manager.  They've been best friends for years, but Jensen can't help wanting more.  He's watched Jared get into relationships with guys who take him for granted time and time again.  Now he wants to show Jared that the perfect guy for him has been right there by his side the whole time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Original Prompt: This fic was inspired by the following prompt by pennyshipswincest: "Jared owns the place and he keeps his hair in a messy ponytail and wears scarves all the time and comes to the shop in the morning with bedhead and drinks coffee and smiles at Jensen who is the shop manager. And Jared tattoos Jensen a lot and they have this friendship that means they finish each others sentences and Jensen looks after Jared makes him eat and buys him vitamins because he works so much and Jared always buys Jensen cupcakes and leaves them on his desk with little pictures he’s drawn from Jensen beside them. And they are friends for years and Jensen watches Jared get his heart broken over and over again and Jared still smiles and works harder and harder. And Jensen has been in love with him since the first time Jared said “Hey, man” and touched Jensen's hand and Jensen has enough and one day he just blurts out “I’ll never break your heart” and suddenly realizes how fucking dumb and corny and awful it sounds and wants to DIE but Jared is looking at him, grinning and he says “What?” and Jensen wants to run away but instead he says “I buy you vitamins” and Jared is suddenly moving towards him with this look Jensen has never seen before, this serious look and Jensen doesn’t know what to do. And they stand there for a while and Jared says “You do. You buy me vitamins” and leans forward and kisses Jensen".
> 
> Author’s Note: I tried to stay as faithful to pennyshipwincest's concept as possible. She's awesome by the way and if you're not already following her on Tumblr you are really missing out. The masterpost art is by radruby who graciously allowed me to use her creation. Enjoy!

 

 

   
  
~[Tattoo Reference Art](http://righteousbros.livejournal.com/3183.html)~

 

Jensen does not want to be spending his morning in the supply closet hunting down coffee filters but that’s where he is. He grumbles to himself about the futility of organizing the goddamn supplies if people are just going to come in after him and screw it all up anyway, but he’s alone in the shop so there’s no one in particular he can blame it on. He finds some brown paper towels and decides that they’ll have to do. If anyone wants to get picky they can march their asses over to the Starbucks.

Afternoon light shines brightly through the storefront windows as he gets the coffee to brewing and boots up the front desk computer. It’s not quite spring, still a little too cold for that, but the promise of it is in the air. It’s just about noon, which isn’t technically morning anymore but tattoo artists on the whole aren’t known to keep standard hours like your run of the mill cubicle-monkey. Their crew at Morgan’s Body Shop won’t be anything even resembling functional until at least 2pm.

This is his favorite time of day. No customers, no cranky coworkers, no phone calls. He gets to putter around by himself for a while, wiping down the countertops, tidying up the magazines in the waiting area, and checking emails for any last minute appointment changes. He’s not antisocial, despite what his sister says. He’s just very picky. He likes to think of his life as carefully curated with a selection of people who have proven themselves worth the effort to invest in. And right now, before the shop officially opens for the day, he’s got about a whole hour alone with his absolute favorite of the bunch.

He’s in the back of the store where he’s savoring the first cup of French roast, when the brass chimes up front jingle. He doesn’t need to look to know that it’s Jared.

“Perfect timing” he announces, reaching for the usual red mug. Jensen throws in some hazelnut creamer and enough sugar to make a dentist visibly wince. He takes his own black, but he knows that Jared isn’t satisfied until his looks more like a light summer tan.

Jared emerges from the narrow hallway that separates the main tattoo floor from the back end which houses their poor excuse for a kitchenette area, a tiny bathroom, and the evil supply closet. His hair is still damp at the ends from his post-yoga shower and it’s curling past the collar of his peacoat. This morning the scarf he’s wearing is the bright purple one with blue stripes that Jensen hates. Jared refuses to part with it or any of the other crimes against fashion that his sister Megan keeps sending him.

“Hey man”. Jared takes off the earbuds of his iPod and accepts the mug from Jensen. He takes a sip and smiles wide “Mmm, thanks”.

Jared’s smile is like newborn puppies and rainbows. Jensen has yet to find anyone, including himself, that’s immune to its power.

In an attempt to not just stand there grinning like fool, he gives Jared a crooked half-smile back before dropping his gaze to the floor. He fidgets with his grey flat cap, adjusting it's perch on his head. “So um, bad news first. It’s Misha’s day today.”

Jared snorts out a laugh and rolls his eyes. “Shit, already? Whose idea was it again to let everyone take turns over control of the stereo?”

Jensen smirks and sips his coffee. “That one was all you, boss.”

Jared lifts an eyebrow at the title. He’s run Morgan’s successfully for 6 years now but he’s never been comfortable telling other people what to do. “Damn. That’s what I get for trying to be all fair and democratic. Enya.”

Jared shudders for effect and Jensen laughs.  Misha definitely had the worst taste in music out of all of their friends.

“I’ll do what I can to keep Kane from beating him over the head with a copy of _Appetite for Destruction_. And now for the good news; I finally picked a design.”

Jared lights up like a little kid with a new toy. All dimples and big hazel eyes. “Really? Hold on, hold on! Let me drop my coat and grab my sketchbook.”

Jared hurries back down the hallway to his office, keys jangling.

Jensen’s let Jared tattoo him several times over the years. He’d offered to pay for the first one, a koi fish on the back of his calf. Talent like Jared’s comes at a premium. People travel from all over just to get tattooed by him and Jensen knows full well what they’re willing to pay for the privilege. But Jared wouldn’t even hear him out about it. Flat out refused to take a penny for his time. In fact it was the only thing they ever really fought about. Of course, he’ll keep trying to make Jared see reason about it but he has a feeling he’s not going to win this one either.

Moments later, Jared is back with his sketchbook. “Come on up front so we can work this out where the light’s better.” He motions for Jensen to follow him with a jerk of his head.

They lean over the front desk together, and Jensen talks Jared through his concept. As Jared nods and sketches away, Jensen indulges himself and lets his eyes wander where they will.

Jared’s wearing a plain black t-shirt, ratty old jeans, and scuffed up motorcycle boots. Any stranger off the street might look at his Salvation Army wardrobe, the tattoos that cover his arms, his muscular 6’4” frame, and they’d probably think he was a real tough character. The kind of guy you wouldn’t want to get on the wrong side of in a fight.

This of course couldn’t be farther from the truth. Jared is about as threatening as a Chihuahua. He’s a total softie. Heart as big as Texas and generous to a fault. The only thing that gives him away for the giant dork that he really is at the moment is that ridiculous scarf.

“What do you think of this?” Jared asks, holding out the sketch for Jensen’s inspection.

It’s like Jared plucked the picture right out of his brain and then made it ten times better. A burning heart encircled by a thick chain with a lock, wings outstretched behind it. He can see it fitting perfectly across his chest. The individual elements of it are all pretty traditional, but put together like this in tones of black and grey with plenty of fine detail, Jensen knows it will be something really special. Everything Jared does is special.

“Jen?”

Jensen looks up and realizes he’s been just staring at it long enough to make Jared concerned.

“Is it ok? I mean, I can change-“

“No!" Jensen assures him.  "No it’s perfect, man. Really. Thank you.”

“Course. I can’t let you walk around here with inferior art. I’ve got a reputation to uphold," Jared scoffs jokingly at him.  "So when do you wanna do this? Probably take an hour or so for the basic outline. Then another two or three hours to shade it in and fine tune the detail work.”

“Sounds good to me.  I’ll check the schedule for a good time and let you know. But listen, you’ve got to let me pay-“

“No way!” Jared wrinkles his nose as if even the idea of it offends him. “I’m not taking your money. Haven’t we been over this already?”

“But it’s more work for you on top of all the appointments you’ve already got lined up this week," Jensen points out.

“It’s not work if I want do it! And I do. Besides...” Jared pauses, gesturing with his hands like he’s trying to physically pull a valid excuse out of thin air. He points at Jensen. “You’re always buying me lunch! I owe you for like several hundred turkey sandwiches by now.”

Jensen shrugs and crosses his arms over his chest. “What am I supposed to do? Let you work all day on no food cause you forget to stop and eat like a giant moron? If you passed out it would be like someone chopping down a fucking oak tree in here. You could crush a customer. I’m just trying to prevent collateral damage, dude.”

Jared bites his lip in that way that he does when he’s trying hard not to smile. “Shut up. That’s not the point.”

Jensen sighs. “What is your point then?”

“My point is, you’re my friend. My best friend. So as far as I’m concerned, your money’s no good here.”

“Fine.” Jensen figures he’ll just conveniently forget to document a few of the hours he works this week and next as a way of repaying Jared on the sly.

“Don’t think I won’t double check the schedule to make sure you’re not shorting your hours or something stupid like that," Jared warns.

Shit. They really have been working together for too long.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jensen checks his watch trying for nonchalance and moves to unlock the front door. It’s high time they opened for the day anyway.

“Right.” Jared smirks at him. “I’m on to you Ackles.” He sits down as his work station and grabs an elastic band from one of the drawers. He uses it to tie his hair back into a stubby ponytail so that it won’t get in the way while he works. It really shouldn’t be as adorable as it is.

“Whatever, man."  Jensen takes his place behind the front desk and busies himself with updating their website with some new pictures of tattoos for their gallery section. If Jared ever really did figure out what went on inside his head half the time they were alone like this, he’d probably never be able to look him in the eye again. Things like how good Jared smells and what the skin at the base of neck might taste like if Jensen ran his tongue over it.

Jared just laughs as he flips his sketchpad to a fresh page. He’s got to work on a tricky cover-up for a client coming in later who is now definitely regretting his decision to get a tattoo of Winnie-the-Pooh passed out on a pile of honey pots. Imagine that.

“Don’t worry about it, Jen. I’m serious.  Anyways, I like tattooing you," Jared adds with shit-eating grin.  "It’s like when I was a kid and I used to play connect the dots in my coloring books, only now I get to do it with freckles.”

Jensen can feel his skin heat and he knows he’s probably blushing like a teenage girl. Christ, he’s got to get himself under control. This is just getting pathetic.

Thankfully, Danneel is on time for once and provides just the diversion he needs.

“Hey guys!” she says cheerily as she juggles a huge box in her arms.

Jensen jumps up to grab the door for her. “Good Morning. What’s all this?”

She drops it on top of the counter and flips her long auburn hair behind her shoulder before pulling open the top of the box. “This my friend, is how I spent my night last night. Ironing on all these logos, instead of going out for drinks with my girls like any sane person would have done. Chris and Steve owe me big time for this.”

The box is full of t-shirts for their band, The Winchesters, named after the guys’ hometown of Winchester, VA where they went to high school together. The story goes that Steve had answered an ad for a guitar player for what had once been The Christian Kane Band. He’d met Kane and they’d been buddies ever since. The band had gained and lost members over the years, changing their name with each new reincarnation, but the two of them somehow managed to hold the pieces together.

“That’s really nice of you, Dani.  Isn’t that nice, Jensen?" Jared mocks him, voice dripping with sarcasm.  How she was willing to help out a friend without expecting to be paid? I bet the guys will really appreciate that.”

Dani raises a pierced eyebrow at them. “Did I miss something?”

Jensen just rolls his eyes. “Pay no attention to him. It will only encourage him”. He holds up one of the shirts for inspection. They’re all black with white logos in various sizes. “Morgan’s Body Shop: Home of the Tattooing Winchesters? Wait, are these for the band or for the shop?”

Dani crosses her arms, at looks at him questioningly like he should already know the answer.  “Well, both.”

“Seriously?” Jared comes over and snatches another one from the box to see for himself.

Danneel lets out a long-suffering sigh. It makes the little crystal studs glimmer in the dimples of her cheeks. “I take it that Chris didn’t run this by you first like he said he was going to.  Awesome.  Anyway, he and Steve thought it’d be cool to sell some of these here at the shop so that our clients will hear about the band, maybe come check out a show.  Then they’ll sell the rest at the merch table at their gigs so that the fans will be like walking billboards for the shop. Cross-advertising.  Get it?”

“I love it!” Jared is practically bouncing on this feet he’s so excited about the idea.

“So it’s cool with you then?” Dani asks.

“Absolutely!"  Jared exclaims.  "Do I get a shirt?”

“Of course, silly.”  She fishes out a shirt for him.  “Here, I made sure we had one in Sasquatch size.  Jensen, you get one too”.

“Sweet!  Here, hold this."  Jensen takes off his cap and hands it to Danneel so he can strip off his old shirt and put the new one on.  “Since I’ll be the one who’s probably going to get stuck actually selling these things around here I guess I should set an example.”

Danneel hums appreciatively as she rakes her eyes over his lightly muscled abs.  “Looks great on you.  Oh, but Jensen your hair.”  She reaches up and fusses with the messy spikes of dark blond.   “You’re almost ready for a cut.  Remember when you buzzed it that summer?  That was hot.  You should do it again.”

She’s not really flirting with him.  Not seriously.  For her flirting is like breathing.  An unconscious thing.  Once in a while they’ll cuddle while drunk, and there was that one time that they’d made out after someone decided mezcal tequila was a good idea, but neither of them had any interest in taking it further than that.  He likes girls occasionally and she is smoking hot, but bottom line is that he always thinks of her as being just a friend.

“Okay, enough molesting my shop manager.”  Jared takes Jensen’s hat from her and hands it back to him.  “Jensen and I will make room for these.  You go pierce something”.

“Sir, yes sir!” She smiles and gives him a mock salute before sashaying over to the private room opposite Jared’s office.  It’s her personal domain for all her piercing clients where she can set them at ease before she pokes them full of holes.

Jensen puts his cap back on and grins wide at Jared.  “Come on, boss. Let’s get to work”.


	2. Chapter 2

A few hours later, the shop is in full swing.  Everyone either has a client at their stations or is prepping for an upcoming appointment.   It’s Jensen’s job to make sure that all of their stations are set up correctly, making sure to keep everything sanitary and organized like the artists like them to be.  He is also the first point of contact with any new clients, either over the phone, email, or at the front desk to greet the walk-ins.  He likes the pace of his days, a routine that is at times frenetic yet flexible enough to not feel like a routine.  He fits here.  Much better than he ever had in Richardson, or in those first two years at Texas Tech.

~~~

Sometimes - not often - but sometimes, he tries to think about all the different ways that his life might have turned out differently.  If his parent’s hadn’t reacted with such disgust back when he had first told them that he liked guys as much as he liked women.  If he hadn’t elected to insulate himself from the deafening silence of their disapproval with the prescription painkillers that his college roommate sold on the weekends.

His habit had gotten well out of hand and he’d had to dropout.  He lived on his friend’s couches for a while, never holding down a job for long, until his brother Jeff had finally confronted him about it and offered to help him pay for rehab.  It had probably saved his life.

It had taken a lot of counseling and two separate tries, but when he was finally clean, he’d moved to Austin for a fresh start.  Within his first week in town he decided he wanted to get a tattoo to mark his new lease on life.  He’d wandered into Morgan’s and met Jared.  His new addiction.

His attraction to Jared was intense from the very first glance.  Jared was – well, Jared.  And Jensen was only human.  But he dismissed it because he knew that his past was still way to close behind him to drag anyone else into it.

Jensen had stretched out on his stomach on the tattoo bench as Jared had instructed and he attempted to mentally psyche himself up for the tattoo.  He didn't want to show how freaked he really was to be feeling real pain again for the first time in almost two years.  He tried to rationalize with himself that nothing could be as bad as those first withdrawal symptoms in rehab, when his over-sensitized body had to struggle to remember how to cope with pain on its own.  Three straight days of PLEASEGODPLEASEGODMAKEITSTOP had sent him running for his pills which put him right back at square one.  He wanted to get the tattoo in part as a way to prove to himself that he could handle it.  That he was on the right track back towards some semblance of normalcy.

He tried not to move as Jared placed the stencil on his calf.  The koi fish symbolized inner strength, perseverance, and good luck.  All things he could really use at that point in his life.  He was so focused on his breathing that he hadn’t even noticed that Jared had moved before he felt a huge warm hand on top of his.

“Hey, man.  You ok?  You look like you’re white-knuckling it here and we haven’t even started.”

He’d looked into Jared’s kind eyes and it was like everything just fell quietly and peacefully into place.

“Yeah.  Yeah I’m fine.”  It was the first time in a long time that he’d meant it.

They had got to talking as Jared worked.  Jensen realizes now after having seen him do the same with countless others that Jared was trying to distract him and get him to relax.  At first it had hurt a lot, but Jensen had gritted his teeth and concentrated on Jared’s soothing voice.  By the time his messed up pain receptors finally got their act together and the sensation of the rapid fire jabs of the tattoo needles had eventually faded into a dull numbness, Jared was offering him a job.

That was over six years ago now, back when Jared’s boyfriend Jeff Morgan owned the place.  A year after Jensen had started working there Jeff had broken it off with Jared, having ultimately decided to put Austin in his rearview mirror.  Jeff moved back to LA to try and mend fences with his ex-wife and his daughter, leaving Jared to take over the daily business of the shop.  He was still a silent partner to this day, happy to check in only maybe once or twice a year, but for all intensive purposes he was out of Jared’s life. 

Jensen had been okay with Jeff as a boss, but he had never been okay with how careless he’d been with Jared’s feelings when their relationship had ended.  Jared had been in love with Jeff, hanging on his every word like a devoted disciple.  For Jeff, Jared had just been a promising artist, a trusted employee, and convenient addition to his bed.

Jensen had been there when Jared hadn’t wanted to get out of bed for two weeks.  He’d been there when Jared had spent the next two months drinking himself into oblivion every weekend.  And he’d been there when Jared had spent the next two years burying himself entirely in his work.  When Jared had finally come up for air, he’d made a real name for himself in their industry and for the shop, but he still hadn’t been happy.

Then Jensen had had to sit back and watch as Jared had started dating again.  That was a whole new world of pain.  The random hookups had stung, but when Jared had met Justin Hartley - that had hit Jensen like a sucker punch.

Justin was an asshole.  Arrogant, selfish, and manipulative.  He was pretty - Jensen couldn’t deny that - but Justin knew it and he used it to wrap Jared around his little finger.  At first Jensen thought that it was just his own jealousy that made him hate the guy so much.  But about a month and a half into their relationship, he’d been out at a bar with the shop crew when Misha, the usually zen-like-Buddha-on-the-mountain-top Misha, had confided in him that even he thought Justin was a grade-A prick.

That was the same night Jensen had met Tom Welling.  Unlike all the other guys who’d tried to pick him up since he’d moved to Austin, he had decided to give Tom an honest shot.  He needed something to help him get over this insane crush on Jared, who obviously only thought of him as a friend and was definitely taken.  One night stands with random people he barely remembered the next morning just wasn’t cutting it.

Of course it had probably helped that physically Tom was just as big and broad as Jared was.  He was sweet, if not especially bright or funny.  He wasn’t out about his sexuality so he didn’t feel comfortable with them being seen in public together, but that suited Jensen just fine.  That way Jensen was able to use it as an excuse for not hanging out more with Jared and Justin.  He just couldn’t watch Jared trying to twist himself into becoming whatever the hell kind of doormat boyfriend Justin was trying to make him into.

A year and a half later, Justin had finally pushed Jared too far when he’d demanded that Jared help him finance his new Audi.  They’d had a big blowup over it, during which Justin had hurled all manner of insults at Jared and accused him of being incapable of being loved.  He said that no one would ever be able to put up with the fact that he’d always put the shop first.  Jensen hadn’t been there - he’d been away for the weekend with Tom - but apparently everyone else had as it had taken place right just after closing one night in the middle of their parking lot.  Steve and Misha had to physically restrain Kane from punching Justin out right then and there.

Since then, Jared had retreated back into this work and was pretty much living like a monk.  He had taken up yoga and spent whatever free time he had left - which wasn’t much - with his dogs Harley and Sadie.  Jensen had been concerned about him at first like he always was, but Jared had insisted over and over again that he was fine.  Just wanted to be on his own for a while.

Jensen was occupied with Tom at the time but that hadn’t stopped him from making sure that Jared got his coffee the way he liked it every morning, made him eat more than just the candy that he kept in his desk, and forced him to go out to The Winchester gigs every once and a while so that he had something other than work to look forward to everyday.

Occasionally Tom had complained that Jensen was a better boyfriend to Jared than he was to him.  It had started as a joke but eventually the passive-aggressive comments had started coming more and more often.  Finally, Jensen had just had enough.  It ended over New Year’s.  The saddest part was probably that after two years together, neither he nor Tom had cared enough to be all that upset about it.

The shop kept both him and Jared pretty busy.  Jensen made sure that everything was clean and organized, managed their website, and kept the client schedule booked and running smoothly.  Jared took care of the payroll and the accounts, reined in the other artists when they needed it, and made sure that the shop was represented at local community events and the occasional tattoo convention.  Their business relationship was like a well oiled machine after so many years of working side by side.  And after all of the personal heartbreaks and disappointments that they’d commiserated over together, their friendship at the seemed more solid than ever.

So of course, last month when Jensen had overheard Jared mention to their new tattoo artist, Chad, that his date with Chad’s friend Jake had gone really well, Jensen had been understandably surprised.  He hadn’t made a big deal about it.  It wasn’t like him and Jared were dating or something.  Jared was free to do what he wanted.  Jensen had gone so far as to even play along like it was news to him when Jared had finally admitted - seemingly out of nowhere - that he was kinda seeing this guy Jake now.  Jared had said that it was a pretty casual thing, too new still to really know how it was going to work out.  That had been the infamous night of too much tequila and Danneel’s Plum Passion lipstick all over Jensen's face.

He was trying to take a page from Misha and be philosophical about it.  Him and Jared - their timing had just always been off.  He’d been too much of a coward in those brief periods of time that they’d actually both been available to tell Jared how he felt.  Maybe Jared has his own reasons for not taking the initiative himself, if he was actually even interested in Jensen like that to begin with.  Maybe they just weren’t meant to be anything other than best friends.  That’s what he tells himself when he looks at Jared now and he imagines what could have been.

 

 ~~~

The next day, Jensen is folding t-shirts and stacking them neatly on one corner of his desk.  It’s Dani’s turn for the stereo so everyone is being forced to listen to the Top 40 crap she’s got on her iPod, but it’s already light-years better than yesterday’s Dido experience thanks to Misha.  Kane had been shooting daggers with his eyes at everyone all day long over that one.  Today at least he seems resigned if not particularly happy about being subjected to the vocal styling’s of P!nk.  It’s Misha’s day off and Steve doesn’t have an appointment until after 5pm, so it’s just Jensen, Kane, Jared, and Danneel.  And Chad, whenever he decides to show up.

Chad finally does come barreling through the front door over an hour later than he said he would which is just par for the course with him.

“Jenny! How’s it going man, where’s Jared at?”

Jensen suppresses a rude comment in response to the nickname that Chad fucking knows he hates. “In his office.”

“So listen, I drove past the new bakery on the corner and it looks like they’re finally open for business.” Chad leans against the desk, seemingly content to pester Jensen for a while before he goes about his business. Great.

“Is that right?”  Jensen really should get some kind of award for how well he can act like he cares about half the shit people tell him.

“Yeah. I’m thinking of heading over there later to scope the situation out. There’s this girl that I’ve seen in there through the window-“

“Of course there is," Jensen mutters.

Chad continues undaunted.  “The little one with the dark hair and that fucking amazing rack. I’m going to go introduce myself.”

“That’s nice.”  Jensen deadpans.

“Nice?!" Chad repeats incredulously.  "Nice is gonna be when I’ve got her ankles wrapped around my neck. That shit is going to be nice.”

Jensen is very much over this conversation.  “I’m really happy for you, Chad. Really, I am.”

Chad rolls his eyes at him as if Jensen is the one being annoying.  “Yeah, I can tell.  Look dude, you need to get that stick out of your ass."  Chad's face brightens like he's got a lightbulb going on in his head.  "Maybe you should come with me.  Get a little trim to help straighten you out.  Or hey, you switch hit right?  Maybe they’ve got some hot piece of man ass in the kitchen.”

Jensen counts to three because he knows this is actually Chad's way of trying to be a pal, as misguided as his suggestion is.  “Thanks, but I’ll pass.”

“Your loss.”  Chad shakes his head at Jensen but thankfully leaves him alone for a while.

A couple hours later, Jared’s current client leaves with a smile on her face and a portrait of Heath Ledger as The Joker on her ass.  Seriously?  Some people.

Jared comes walking out of his office and sidles up to the front desk where Jensen is adding a zombie pinup tattoo to Steve’s schedule for next week.

“How’s it going?” he asks.

“Good.  I sold 2 shirts today,” Jensen informs him.

“Sweet.  How’s my schedule looking?”

Jensen gives it a look even though he's pretty much got the thing memorized by now.  “Not too bad. You don’t have anyone coming in for another hour or so.”

“Cool."  Jared stretches his arms above his head, revealing a thin line of tanned skin just above his belt that makes Jensen's mouth water.  "Hey, how about we walk down to the new bakery on the corner for lunch?”

“You’ve been talking to Chad haven’t you?  I warned you about what happens when you feed him attention," Jensen scolds him jokingly.  "Now he’ll never leave you alone”

Jared laughs and pulls the band off of his ponytail, shaking his hair loose in messy waves. Jensen thinks there should be some kind of law against looking that good without even trying.

“Chad says he needs a wing-man. And someone told me I need to remember to eat lunch every once in a while.”

Jensen rolls his eyes but he can’t help himself from smiling anyway.  “Sounds like good advice.  Oh, that reminds me. Heads up.”  He tosses Jared a bottle of vitamins from one of the desk drawers.  “The guy at GNC told me these were good for muscle aches.  Vitamin B-complex, magnesium, and vitamin C. Should help with your back.”  Jensen knows that sitting hunched over tattooing people all day has really started to take its toll on Jared’s back muscles.  The yoga helps relieve some of the stiffness but sometimes he's still really sore after a long session.

Jared beams one of his megawatt grins at him.  “Aw thanks, Jen!  That’s really thoughtful of you.  Now you’ve got to let me at least buy you lunch.  Besides, Jake is meeting us there and I want to finally introduce you guys.”

And there goes Jensen’s good mood. “You know what, someone should really be here in case we get a walk-in.”

Jared furrows his brow at him.  “Danneel can cover for you can’t she?”

“Yeah but she told me she’s planning on running some errands on her break, so she’s going to be a while coming back yet.  I don’t want to leave in case your appointment comes in early.  It’s cool.  You go," Jensen assures him.  "Tell Jake I say hi.” Most of that was actually true.  Kane is around and he isn’t particularly busy, but Jensen really isn’t ready to come face to face with Jared’s new boyfriend.

Chad wanders over just then, shrugging his jacket on.  “Come on, J-bird. Can’t keep the future Mrs. Murray waiting.”

Jared frowns.  “Okay.  Jen...I’ll bring you back something.”  He grabs his coat and the scarf of the day from behind the chair at his station, a black and white plaid one that Jensen actually doesn’t mind, and follows Chad out the door.

Jensen sighs and stands up for a second to stretch.  He’s been messing with the website for most of the morning.

“You want to talk about it?” Kane asks.  He’s sitting at his station picking at a small mountain of french fries.

“Talk about what?”

Kane levels a look at him that says he's not buying Jensen's innocent tone.  “That load of bullshit you just gave Jay about being too busy to go to lunch.  You know I would have covered for you if you really wanted to go.”

Jensen crosses his arms over his chest and bites on his bottom lip. “I didn’t want to go.  So what?  We’re not attached at the hip”.

“You were going to go until he said Jake was going to be there.”  Kane states it as a fact like he can read Jensen's mind and that's just unsettling.

“Christ almighty, what is this high school?”.  Jensen throws up his hands in exasperation.  He does not need this from Kane today.  The guy is scarily perceptive for someone who has spent all his free time over the last 15 years head-banging on stage to electric guitar played at ear-splitting decibels.

“Nooo.” Kane draws it out for him as if Jensen were particularly slow. “If this was high school, I probably would have just forged a love note with your name on it and shoved it in his locker.  This is me being adult about it.”

“You’re unbelievable.  You are un-fucking-believable!" Jensen exclaims, getting defensive.  "How about you worry about your own love life for a while?  You go through groupies faster than Chad goes through bottles of hair gel.”

“You know what I find hard to believe? That a grown-ass man, who is strong enough to wrestle with an oxy addiction and win, doesn’t have the balls to tell his best fucking friend that he has a big o’l crush on him,"  Kane is obviously pulling no punches today.  "You gotta cowboy up dude or else he’s going to slip right through your fingers.”

Kane’s right.  Except that from the looks of things with Jared and Jake, he’s already gone.  Again.  Jensen just doesn’t have it in him to fight the obvious anymore.  “I’m in love with him, Chris,” Jensen says quietly.

Kane’s face falls.  It might be the first time he’s ever seen the guy at a loss for words.  “Shit, Jen.  I didn’t know it was like that.  I’m sorry man.  How long?”

Jensen lets out a sigh of resignation.  “You don’t even want to know.  Trust me”.

“Jen-“

“No, it’s okay.”  Jensen drops his gaze to the floor, not able to handle the pity in his friend’s eyes.  “I did this to myself.  I’m going to have to figure out how to deal with it.”

For a long moment, neither of them says anything.  Cause really, what is there to say that make his situation any better?

Finally Jensen clears his throat, eager to change the subject.  “Well, I don’t know about you but I need a break from this playlist.”

Kane lets out a weak laugh.  “Danneel will skin you alive and make your hide into a purse if you touch her iPod”.

Funny how having your heart ground into the floor puts things into perspective.  Feeling ready for a little recklessness for a change, Jensen cocks his head and sets a defiant little smirk on his face.  He walks over to the iPod dock and rips the cord out of the wall outlet.  Taylor Swift cuts out right in the middle of the chorus.

“That’s my boy!” Kane whoops and jumps up to give him a high five.

They pick through the meager collection of CD’s that they have on hand and together they finally settle on The Eagles.  Hell Freezes Over is a sentimental favorite of Jensen’s and Chris, despite his usual preference for metal, has a deep appreciation for the classics.

Kane turns it up loud and hunkers down on the couch in their little waiting area to work on a design he’s got in mind for a cover-up tattoo.  He’s humming along to Don Henley, the lead singer part of him unable to stay quiet when he gets lost in the music.

Jensen feels his spirits lifting and he's glad for it.  He doesn't want this shitty mood to spoil his whole day.  This thing with Jared and Jake has clearly been weighing on him and as much as it hurts to think about, even worse to admit out loud, it's good to get it off of his chest.  He’s been holding his feelings in for way too fucking long, and it felt good to know that he had a friend like Chris who cared enough to make him own up to it.

He feels so good, he’s suddenly inspired to tackle the mess in the supply closet.  He maneuvers around the boxes in the tight space, shifting things around so that there’s some semblance of logic to it all.  He can hear Kane start singing along to the next track and after a while he joins in.

_Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes bends_

_She got a lot of pretty, pretty, boys that she calls friends_

_How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat._

_Some dance to remember, some dance to forget_

“Damn son! When are you finally gonna cave and come sing with me and the boys on stage?” Kane calls out.  “I need that whiskey smooth sound you got to help back me up.”

“Keep dreaming, baby!” Jensen yells back

_Welcome to the Hotel California_

_Such a lovely place, such a lovely face_

_They livin’ it up at the Hotel California_

_What a nice surprise, bring your alibis_

“Jen!”

“Not happening!” Jensen shoots back.

_And she said: We are all just prisoner’s here of our own device_

“No, Jen," Chris shouts insistently.  "We’ve got company!”

Huh? He must not have heard the door over the music.

Jensen hops over a box of latex gloves and strides out of the supply closet to greet the client. “Hi! Sorry, I was just…”.

Whatever he was going to finish with flies right out of his head.  The guy standing in front of his desk is gorgeous.  A couple of years younger than himself maybe, with light brown hair, pretty green eyes, and lips most women would kill for.

“Hey, my name is Brock.  I have an appointment with Jared Padalecki. Is he here?”

“No. I mean, yes. But um...no," Jensen stammers.  "He's here.  As in he's in today.  But he's not here at the moment.  He just stepped out to grab some lunch, but he should be back soon.  Maybe fifteen or twenty minutes."  Christ, when did he get so socially awkward?

Brock smiles.  
  
Oh god, Jensen thinks.  Dimples.

“That’s cool.  I’m early anyway."  Brock looks him over a little too slow to be strictly friendly.  "Mind if I hang here with you and wait for him?”

“Yeah, sure. I’m Jensen by the way.”  Jensen moves forward to shake the guy’s hand properly.  His grip is firm and warm.

“Nice to meet you, Jensen," Brock says with a warm smile.

Jensen glances at Kane who's watching their exchange and looking like he’s about to bust out giggling like a little kid.

Perfect.  Just fucking perfect.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s warm in the bakery and the whole place smells delicious, like vanilla and sugar. From his seat across the little bistro table from Jake he can look out the window as they eat and watch the pedestrians meander by. The brunette that Chad is currently chatting up turns out to be as talented a barista as she is a baker. She even made a leaf design in the foam of his latte. So why the hell isn’t he enjoying himself?

“So if Roger likes my proposal, I think he’s going to let me take the lead on this one.”

“Hmm” Jared nods in response. He’s doodling on his napkin as his mind drifts away elsewhere. He can’t put his finger on it but something feels off. Like an itch deep under his skin that he just can’t scratch.

“Jared? Are you even listening to me?”

Shit.

Jared looks up and Jake is staring at him, understandably annoyed.

“I’m sorry, I’m being rude.” Jared puts down his pen and reaches out to touch Jake’s forearm. “I’m just a little distracted today I guess. But hey, I’m happy for you, man. This sounds like a big opportunity for you. I’m sure you’ll do great.”

Jake gives him a lukewarm smile and Jared knows he’s forgiven. “It’s okay. You guys really busy today or something?”

“Not especially.” Jared returns to picking at his half-eaten spinach salad. “Maybe I’m just tired. I haven’t been sleeping that well lately.”

“You know,” Jake says, leaning forward. “If you invite me to sleepover sometime I could maybe help you with that.” The addition of that low seductive tone in his voice makes it clear that his plans for him and Jared have nothing to do with sleeping.

“Oh really?”  Jared considers it for a second. They’ve fooled around a little but there hasn’t been any actual sex just yet. It’s not that he’s not interested. Jake is certainly attractive. He’s about the same height as Jensen, although he’s lean in places where Jen is thick muscle. He’s got a great smile and kind eyes. Really easy-going and interesting to talk to.

He smiles at Jake and slides his foot over to nudge against his under the table. “Maybe I will sometime.”

Before they leave, he buys Jensen a panini and a red velvet cupcake because they’re his favorite. Maybe it will make him smile.

Jake’s got to get back to the office. There’s a lot of work he’s got to get done with this big pitch coming up. He’s a rising star at the ad agency he works for and Jared understands better than anyone what it’s like to be that dedicated to their job. It’s one of the things that they have in common.

He kisses Jake goodbye. It’s quick - Jake’s not big into PDA’s - but it’s nice. Something to tide each other over until they have more time to spend together.

Jared has to threaten Chad with latrine duty before he can get the guy to leave. The girl he’s been flirting with relentlessly this whole time has been putting up with him stoically enough but it’s obvious, except of course to Chad, that her patience is running thin.

As soon as they walk through the door to the shop, Chad is already celebrating as if he just scored a game-winning slam dunk.

“Dudes!” he shouts excitedly. “You should have been there. I had her eating out of my fucking palm. I’m so in there! Mark my words, by this time next week I’m going to be balls deep in that-”

“Chad, reign it in will ya?” Kane warns. He jerks his head towards the front desk where Jensen is with a customer. Luckily the guy seems more amused by Chad’s outburst than annoyed.

“Sorry.” Chad goes over shake his hand. “Hey man, I’m Chad. Sorry about that, but I just met this chick and she’s like…amazing. Like really amazing. Makes a guy lose his head, you know?”

"I'm Brock.  No worries.” The guy smiles and he looks pointedly at Jensen. “It’s cool. I know exactly what you mean."

It’s then that Jared notices how Brock is leaning into Jensen’s personal space. Jensen’s got the right sleeve of his t-shirt rolled up to his shoulder, showing the guy his tattoo. It’s a big black dragon, tail coiled around his forearm and scaly body writhing up his bicep where it’s got a lone knight trapped tightly in its claws. The dragon’s teeth are bared in a nasty snarl like it’s about to bite the small man in half. The knight’s only got his shield and his sword, but he’s got the blade raised high over his head to strike. Ready to go down fighting.

Jared remembers tattooing it on him to celebrate his 5 year anniversary of being drug-free. He had been even prouder about the milestone than Jensen had been.

Now Brock is ogling it. Touching Jensen’s arm as he turns it to show off every angle. And Jensen is smiling right back at him like he likes what he sees.

“Uh, hey. I’m Jared," he announces, breaking Brock's attention away from Jensen.  "Are you here for an appointment with someone?”  Jared nudges Chad aside and plants the bag he’s holding with Jensen’s lunch in it on the countertop.

“Yeah, with you actually.”  Brock offers to shake his hand like he did Chad. “Brock Kelly.”

“He’s your 3 o’clock,” Jensen offers. “Got here a little early, so I’ve been showing him your handiwork.”

“Yeah, this is some seriously great work. Can’t wait to see how mine turns out now.”

Jared doesn’t have a rational explanation for why the Cheshire cat smile on Brock’s face is irking him so much, but he’s finding himself more than ready to get his tattoo gun out and see what this guy is made of.

“Right.  Of course, I remember now.  Well, let’s get right to it then and give Jensen a chance to have his lunch.”

“Oh I’m sorry.”  Brock turns back to Jensen. “I didn’t mean to hold you up or anything.”

“Naw man, it’s cool.” Jensen replies, letting a little of that down-home Texas twang seep into his voice. “I didn’t mind at all.”

That sets a whole new edge to Jared’s mood. Jensen only sounds like that when he’s really exhausted, spectacularly drunk, or…

Jared clears his throat loudly. “Why don’t we take this into my office, Brock? I’ve got a tattoo bench in there all set up where you can stretch out while I get to work. We’re doing your calf right?”

He herds Brock into his office, while Chad regales Jensen and Kane with a play by play of his conversation with the unwitting new love of his life.

Jared tells Brock to lie down on his stomach on top of the bench. He flips the bright overhead lamp on and imagines it’s the bare light bulb of an interrogation room like one of those old police dramas.

“So Brock, tell me about yourself.”

 ~~~

A couple of hours later when he leads Brock out of his office, Jared isn’t any happier.

Brock got a Fire and Rescue shield on this calf as a tribute to his father who lost his life while saving two kids from 4-alarm fire. He’s a fireman himself, wanting to follow in his dad’s footsteps even though being out as a gay guy in a firehouse full of tactless hyper-macho guys isn’t always easy. Brock explained that it got better after he got his first save; a middle-aged woman who fell asleep with some candles burning too close to the drapes. After that most of them have given him a kind of grudging respect, but he knows that some of them will never feel 100% comfortable with him outside of the job. He seems to take it all in stride.

Jared really wanted to dislike the guy. How can anyone hate on a guy who saves people for a living?

Danneel, Kane, and Chad are sitting around the waiting area talking while Steve is busy tattooing his client. They’re reminiscing and laughing about that time that Kane and some girl got caught getting busy in the backseat of his car. The car had been in the church parking lot at the time.

“All done!” Brock announces. Danneel indulges him with a little applause.

“Let’s see.” Jensen come out from behind his desk and squats down to examines Brock’s new tattoo. “That’s awesome. Good one, Jay.”

He smiles up at Jared with those emerald eyes of his and Jared is absurdly pleased himself for being the cause of it. “Thanks.”

Jensen walks Brock out and Jared watches them pause together outside the door. Brock takes his phone out of his pocket to get Jensen’s number. Jensen is rubbing the back of his neck like he does when he’s nervous. They wave goodbye to each other and as soon as Jensen is back in the door, Chad is giving him a loud wolf whistle.

“Yeah buddy! I knew you had it in you!” Chad slaps Jensen on the back and Jensen’s face turns pink.

“Whatever.” Jensen curls up on the couch and rests his head on Danneel’s lap. “Dani, make Chad leave me alone.”

“Aww poor baby!” Danneel croons, carding her fingers through Jensen’s hair. “Chad, don’t make me put you on a timeout.”

“Hey I’m just trying to be supportive.”

“Tell us about your new beau.” Dani says in a stage whisper to Jensen.

“Okay! Does no one work here?” Jared interrupts. As soon as it’s out of his mouth he wants to cringe at how much of a prick he sounds like.

Everyone stares at him like he just started speaking in tongues.

Jensen looks at him for a second like he kicked his puppy. In an instant it’s gone, shut down inside, and he’s extracting himself from Dani’s lap. “Jay’s right guys. I’m sure there’s something productive we all could be doing.”

It makes Jared feel ten times worse than he already did.

They all retreat to their respective stations, Jen to the supply closet, and Dani to her piercing room muttering something about male PMS.

Jared shuts himself in his office and goes through the motions of cleaning up his workspace, disposing of the used needles from Brock’s tattoo, and wiping down everything with disinfectant.

When he’s done, he sits down at his desk and rests his head on top of its cool hard surface.

He’s not an idiot despite all the evidence to the contrary. He knows he’s acting like a jealous boyfriend. But why now?

Jen has been his best friend for years and Jared never felt this way when he was with Tom, or all those times that he took someone home with him from the bars. Jensen has always kept his romantic relationships set apart from the rest of his life, so it hasn’t been all that hard for Jared to ignore that they were actually happening.

It’s just that lately this thing that he’s always felt between them, this warmth, has intensified into something else entirely. What was once a pleasant hum under his skin whenever Jensen was around has become distracting. Electric. Intoxicating. He honestly doesn’t know what he wants to do about it, but he knows that it can’t be ignored anymore.

He has no idea what Jensen thinks of any of this. Jared’s not blind. He thinks that maybe Jensen is attracted to him too. But he hasn’t ever done anything about it, or even tried to bring it up. It’s really fucking confusing.

He thought he could take the pressure off by going out with Jake but that doesn’t seem to be working. He still can’t get Jensen out of his mind. And now what had already become a situation teetering on the brink, has careened completely off the rails thanks to this new guy Brock.

Maybe he’s blowing it out of proportion. They literally just met. Just because Brock was flirting with him doesn’t mean that Jensen is actually going to see him again or that they’ll even hit it off. So why doesn’t the logic of all that make him feel any more secure about it?

It’s always been him and Jensen. Even when they were both with other people, it’s like they existed in their own little bubble. He thought it would always be that way. Now he’s beginning to think that might not be true after all, and it’s got him scared shitless.

Something’s got to give.

 ~~~

He stays in his office working on the payroll until about a half hour short of closing time. He tells himself that it’s not exactly hiding, even though he doesn’t really believe it.

Steve is just saying goodbye to his client who’s sporting a new brightly colored tattoo sleeve on her left arm. It’s a scene from Alice in Wonderland with Alice and the Caterpillar sitting on a mushroom. She walks out thanking him profusely.

Jared looks around and realizes that Steve is the only one there other than Jensen.

“Hey guys. Did everyone else go home already?”

Jensen looks up from the computer. “Yeah, they were all done so…” he lets it trail off and shrugs his shoulders. He seems like he’s expecting Jared to be pissed about it, probably because of how he snapped at everyone before.

Jared decides in that instant that they need some time alone so that he can make this right.

Steve stretches with his arms up over his head, yawning loudly. “I tell you what boys, I hate these longer sessions. After four full hours, I’m totally drained.”

“Yeah I know what you mean. It’s always worth it though. Good job on that sleeve, man. Did you get a picture of it for your book?”

“I took care of it.” Jensen offers.

“Good. Steve, I can take care of cleaning up your station if you want to take off.” That sounded a lot more subtle in Jared’s head than it did out loud.

Jensen raises an eyebrow at him, but Steve doesn’t seem to mind if he does notice that he’s being rushed out the door. “Alright, thanks. Well, I’m headed out then fellas.” he says, grabbing his jacket. “See you both tomorrow.”

As soon as Steve’s gone, Jared can feel the air in the room fill with tension. He knows it’s his responsibility to fix it before it gets worse.

“I’m sorry.”

Jensen furrows his brow at him in confusion and fuck if that’s not adorable. “For what?”

“For getting so short earlier. I’ve…I’ve got a lot on my mind lately and it’s not fair of me to get pissy with you or anyone else because of it.”

“Don’t worry about it, Jay. It’s cool. Wanna talk about it?”

Jared bites his lip at the concern in Jensen’s voice. He doesn’t feel like he deserves it.

“Yeah. Yeah um, I’d like that but not tonight okay? It’s late, you know. I don’t want to keep you.”

“Are you sure? It’s no big deal for me to stay.”

“Yeah no, it’s fine. Hey why don’t we take care of your chest piece tomorrow?”

Jensen blinks. “Tomorrow? You’ve got a pretty full day don’t you?”

“We can do it after hours. If that’s okay with you? I mean if you don’t have any other plans already. Do you?” And wow, he is just the king of subtle tonight.

The corners of Jensen’s lips curl up a little at the ends and Jared suddenly wishes he could read minds. “Tomorrow night’s fine.”

“Okay. Okay, cool.”

Jared goes about breaking down Steve’s station and tries not to think about how much he could be risking if this all goes south. That’s been his problem all along. Tomorrow night he’ll have Jensen as a captive audience for a couple of hours. No distracts or interruptions. Nowhere to hide anymore. For better or for worse, they’ll have the conversation that they’ve both been dancing around all these years.

Yeah. He’s fucking terrified.


	4. Chapter 4

Jensen has been anxious all day.

Brock called last night after he’d gotten home, apparently not the kind of guy to be shy about showing his interest. They’d talked for a solid hour which was longer than Jensen usually liked to talk to most people face to face, other than Jay of course. They’d gone over the basic getting-to-know you stuff of where they grew up, number of siblings, and anecdotes about their jobs. It was nice, reveling in the attentions of someone new who didn’t already know all of his jokes and his stories.

They had made tentative plans to see each other over the weekend. Jensen is trying not to think too much about it. He doesn’t want to jinx anything. Sometimes it feels like every time he lets himself get excited about something it promptly goes all to hell.

On top of that, he’s finally going to get his chest piece done tonight. He loves when Jared tattoos him. It’s pathetic, but he craves the feeling of having Jared so physically close to him, even if it’s not in the way he’d really like. He basks in Jared’s attention like a cat sprawling contentedly in a ray of sunlight on the carpet. For a little while at least he’ll have Jared all to himself, concentrating all of his energy and his creativity on the art he’s carving into Jensen’s own skin. He can’t wait.

Luckily the day is flying by quickly. Chad has control of the stereo, which means the playlist they’re being subjected to would make more sense in the context of a frat party in the late 90’s. Despite this, they’ve gotten enough walk-ins to keep everyone pretty busy. Jared has been booked solid all day.

Jensen really only got a few minutes with him this morning for their usual coffee routine before Jared sequestered himself in his office again. He’s wearing the red and black striped scarf with white tassels today and he seems preoccupied. Jensen leaves him alone, knowing him well enough to get when he needs his space to mull over whatever he’s mulling about. However that doesn’t mean that he’s going to let him get away without his eating his vegetables and taking his vitamins. Jensen makes him take a break for lunch, practically shoving the Cobb salad at him before he can argue. It gets him a “Thanks” and a sheepish smile in return and that really shouldn’t be enough to make Jensen feel like he just aced some kind of test but it does.

A group of coed girls come in to get their belly buttons pierced and Chad flirts shamelessly with all of them.

“I’m running a special today ladies! I’ll give you a free tat of your sorority letters anywhere on your body. All I ask for is a little kiss…anywhere on my body”

“Oh my god, Chad!” Danneel screams at him. “You are disgusting! I’m sorry girls, don’t mind him. He’s harmless. Just don’t touch him unless you’ve got plenty of Purell handy. Like gallons.”

Luckily they just laugh at him and don’t seem to get too offended. One of these days Chad is going to meet some girl who’ll kick his ass for comments like that. Jensen only hopes he’s around at the time to see it. Maybe take pictures.

“You know Chad, you’re going about it all wrong.” Steve comments.

Chad whips his head around and scowls at him. “What the hell do you know?”

“Oh, not much. I do know that when you first meet people they tend to take you at face value. And brother, right now you’re advertising yourself as second-hand goods.”

Everyone bursts out laughing.

Chad’s mouth gapes open and closed like a fish.

“Whatever dude! Don’t hate on my swagger just ‘cause you ain’t got none.”

Steven smiles and shakes his head at him. “You’re right. I’m not some big shot player like you but hey that’s cool. My wife likes me just fine as is.”

Misha leans over and gives Steve a fist bump which just makes everyone laugh harder.

Jensen can feel himself starting to relax. He laughs so hard at Chad’s bitchface that his shoulders are shaking.

These are the times when he really loves his job.

 ~~~

They shutter down the shop for the night, but a few of their friends hang around for a while to watch as Jared starts his tattoo. Jensen is sitting upright in the chair at Jared’s station trying not to be too obvious about how hard he’s gripping the armrests. He feels a little exposed and self-conscious, shirtless in front of everyone while they stare at him over Jared’s shoulder. Jared is on a rolling stool, pulled in close to Jensen so that he can lean over him and get the right angle on the design. The actual tattooing part hurts. It always does. But all the different points of contact between his skin and Jared’s right now seem to have a soothing effect.

As time goes by the crew starts to filter out the back door to their cars one by one. They’ve seen Jared tattoo people a million times before and they’ve seen him tattoo Jensen more than a few times by now too. Besides, it’s Thursday night and the drink specials at their local watering hole are calling.

Kane is the last to leave which is out of character for him, especially when Steve’s probably already got a whiskey neat waiting for him at the bar. He doesn’t say much, just watching the movement of the tattoo gun across Jensen’s skin as the basic shape of the piece starts to come alive with detail and definition under Jared’s skilled hand. Jensen occasionally catches him looking at Jared like he’s trying to read something on his face. Finally when Jared is putting in the highlights to give contrast to the blacks and greys, Kane grabs his keys and his jacket to head out too.

“Alright, I’m outta here. Take care of our boy, Jay”. Kane shoots Jensen a crooked smile and a wink as he disappears down the hallway to the back door.

“What’s with him?” Jared asks

“Hell if I know”. Jensen’s wondering now if telling Kane about his feelings for Jared was such a good idea after all. The last thing he needs is someone who’s going to call more attention to this thing between them when he’s trying his best to get over it and move on.

Now that they’re alone though, the air in the shop already feels thicker. Heavy with anticipation. He can feel Jared’s breath against his collarbone and the little goosebumps that it’s creating in its wake. Jared’s hair is pulled back from his face in a ponytail but he can still make out the smell of his shampoo. Rosemary and mint on top of Jared’s own scent which is all warmth and spice.

“So um, do you want to talk about whatever’s been eating you?” he asks, trying to fill the quiet so that his heartbeat doesn’t sound quite so loud by contrast.

Jared bites his lip. “Yeah ok. I guess I’ve just been thinking a lot lately, you know. About me and Jake, and well I guess Justin too, and Jeff…”

“How you only seem to date guys whose name begins with J?”

“Shut up, I’m being serious.”

“Ok, sorry. So what about them?”

“Maybe it’s partly me too. I don’t know. You remember when Jeff left? I was really kinda wrecked after that.”

Jensen remembers all too well. “Yeah I know you were, Jay” he says softly. He clenches his fingers around the armrest a little tighter to keep himself from tucking a stray lock of hair behind Jared’s ear.

“Right. Well after him, you know, I didn’t want to date anyone for a long while. I needed to get over it and put myself back together again. Focus on just myself for a while”.

“I get it. He broke your heart. No one just bounces back from that like it’s nothing”.

“Yeah, but then just as I was starting to come through the other side of it I met Justin. I let myself get carried away I guess. I didn’t think. I-I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.”

Even just hearing that name out of Jared’s mouth makes Jensen’s hackles rise. “That guy was douchebag. I’m sorry but he was. He never deserved you. You know that.”

“Maybe.” Jared looks away for a second. Then he clears his throat and says “You’re all done. Go take a look in the mirror”

Jensen crosses to the full length mirror and surveys his new skin. The winged heart spans across the contours of his pecs, accenting the width of his chest. The flames that flare up from the top of the heart look like they’re going to start flickering any second and the chain around it looks like you could reach out and touch the links.

“It’s perfect, Jay. I can’t…I don’t know what to say. It’s just perfect. Thank you”.

“Yeah, not too shabby if I do say so myself. C’mere and let me wrap you up”.

Something about his tone, a little distracted and somehow off, makes Jensen take pause. Whatever Jared’s reasons for rehashing his past relationships are, he’s clearly rattled by it and probably second-guessing himself because that’s the kind of guy he is.   Jensen is having none of that.

He sits back down so that Jared can put on the bandage, but his mind isn’t on his tattoo anymore.

“Listen to me Jay. I want you to remember this. None of it was your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Jared places the gauze on his chest and frowns in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“These guys, they took you for granted. I’m not saying that’s how Jake is ‘cause I don’t know him yet, but whatever your guys’ situation is you have to make sure that you stick up for yourself. Don’t just go along with how he wants things because you want to be perfect for him all the time.”

Jared smooths the tape down gently on the bandage to secure it.  He’s looking anywhere but in Jensen’s eyes. “That’s not…It’s complicated-“

“There should be nothing complicated about it! Take it from me, okay? You can’t let people sideline you just because you don’t want to rock the boat. If they don’t care enough about you to put you first, then you’ve got to let them go. Even if it hurts to do it. You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love you back like they should. You’re worth more than that. Jeff and Justin – they had no fucking clue what they had.”

Jared finally looks up and Jensen can see a storm of indecipherable emotion behind his eyes. “You mean that?”

“Hell yes I mean it! They’re morons for letting you go. They never got you or how special you are. You’re smart, and kind, and crazy talented, and funny – mostly when you’re not trying to be. You’re bigger than a goddamn moose but you’ve got such a soft heart, Jay. I would never break your heart.”

They both freeze, eyes locked on each other.

Oh fuck did he just say that last bit out loud?

“What?” Jared asks thickly.

No. No, this is not happening. He’s supposed to be letting Jared go.

“I…I buy you vitamins.” Great Jensen. Real smooth. He drags a hand over his face, wishing he could just curl into a ball and hide before he dies of embarrassment.

But then he feels Jared’s hands on are his waist and when he looks up Jared is somehow much closer than he was a second ago. The stool he’s sitting on is tucked in between the sprawl of Jensen’s legs and he’s never looked more serious.

“You do. You buy me vitamins.”

“Jay-“

And just like that, Jared’s kissing him. His name trapped against their mouths.

Soft, warm lips. Jensen opens to them as natural as breathing.

Jared’s tongue slides against his and the room melts away.

Their mouths move together. Not a contest of wills, but an easy dance they both know by heart without ever learning the steps. He never wants it to stop.

Jensen memorizes the taste of him. The textures. The quiet inhalation of breath through his nose, as if he’s unwilling to break the kiss even for air. The little details of Jared that he could only guess at before. Jensen’s greedy for them all. And he wants more. So much more.

Jared lets his teeth drag over Jensen’s bottom lip. Jensen groans deep in his chest and cups the side of Jared’s jaw, feeling the muscle of it flex under his palm as he kisses him deeper now. Needy and insistent.

Jared’s thumbs caress circles into the soft flesh just under his ribs. He leans in even closer until Jensen can feel the heat of him ghosting over his whole torso. Suddenly his hands are gone, moving down to work open Jensen’s belt and the button of jeans. The sound of the zipper sends an eager little ripple of _yesyesyes_ up his spine.

Jared’s hand closes around his cock, already hard inside the opening of his jeans, and mercifully frees him of his boxers. His fingers wrap tight and squeeze, delicious pressure that makes Jensen’s head swim.

Jensen leans his forehead against Jared’s, panting with want as Jared slowly strokes him, drawing beads of pre-come down to slick his grip.

He grabs hold of Jared’s shoulders to ground himself. He can’t think. Doesn’t want to. All he knows is _holy shit this is so fucking good, please please, faster_ , and _more just like that_. All he can manage to say is a breathy whisper “J-Jay”.

Jared moans and crashes their lips together again. This time rougher, with teeth and need. Jensen can feel his skin flush and heat as Jared jacks him faster, twisting his wrist to get just the right friction.

Jared’s cell phone goes off, startling them both.

Jared releases him and leans back away. He looks stunned and then just guilty. He hasn’t made a move for his phone yet but he apparently has a good idea of who must be calling.

Of course. Jake.

Jensen feels like he got hit with a bucket of cold water. He tucks himself back into his jeans and stands up. “You should probably get that” he mutters.

Jared stares up at him from his seat with something close to panic on his face. His phone is still ringing and vibrating in his pocket. “Jen, wait! Let’s talk about this.”

Jensen grabs his shirt and his leather jacket from where he tossed them on top of Jared’s desk. He’s got to move. Get out of there before he does something really stupid. Like smash Jared’s phone into little bits. “What is there to say? Your boyfriend’s calling you. You should answer it.”

“I don’t care. Please, don’t leave!”

“One of us should. One of us needs to do the right thing here”. Jensen slips his arms into his jacket, leaving it open so it won’t rub against his bandage. He doesn’t bother with his shirt at all, just wads it up in his fist. “Goodnight Jay”.

He walks out the back door of the shop alone with Jared calling his name.


	5. Chapter 5

Friday morning, Jared gets to the shop and finds it empty.

Everything about it is just wrong. He knew it as soon as he saw that the metal shutter was still rolled down over the storefront and locked shut. The lights are off, making the whole place feel gloomy and cold. No familiar homey smell of freshly brewed coffee.   No friendly hello to greet him. No Jensen.

He’s scowling at the coffeemaker, trying to figure out how to start the damn thing, when Danneel walks in.

“Hey Jay, how’s it going?” she asks cheerily.

“Where’s Jensen?”

Danneel raises her perfectly arched eyebrows at him in surprise. “Good morning to you too”.

Jared sighs inwardly. “I’m sorry. I’m having a shitty day and I haven’t even had my coffee yet. It’s just. Jensen is usually here already by the time I get in.”

Dani pats his shoulder sympathetically. “It’s ok, sweetie. We all have those days. You’re allowed one too. Jensen texted me late last night and asked me to switch days off. Cover the desk for him. I owe him one so no big deal, right?”

Jared had a pretty good idea why Jensen picked today to be away from the shop. Away from him. “Yeah no, it’s cool. I was just surprised I guess.”

“He didn’t mention anything to you last night before he left?”

“No. Guess it slipped his mind.”

Dani hums to herself thoughtfully. “That’s not like him. Well, I’m sure if it was something serious he’d let you know. Why don’t you let me take care of this and you go do…whatever it is you normally do around here this early.” She shoos him away and starts rummaging through the cabinets for the coffee can.

“Kay, thanks.” he murmurs. He retreats into his office and throws his jacket over his chair. What the hell? He’s never known Jensen to run away from his problems and that’s just what this feels like. Worse than that, this time apparently the problem is him. Or them. Is there even a them anymore? It’s the first time he’s ever questioned that fact and it makes him feel sick.

Jared goes through the motions of his day but he’s not really present for any of it.

He’s a professional. He takes the faith that his customers have in him very seriously and on top of that he’d never allow himself to put forth anything but the highest quality tattoos that his skill could deliver. But he does it all with none of the usual passion.

Every time he walks up to the front desk to meet another client, he feels Jensen’s absence. Danneel is doing just fine filling in. Her natural friendly and coquettish personality really shines through, especially with the more nervous ones. It’s just not the same.

He tries to text Jensen several times.

_Missed u this morning._

_U OK?_

_Can u meet 4 lunch maybe? I want 2 c u._

_We need to talk._

_I’m sorry._

_Plz call me._

He checks his phone compulsively all day for a response but it stays stubbornly quiet. Figures.

 ~~~

It’s so loud in the club that Jensen can feel the steady thump of the bass vibrating in his chest. It’s not usually his kind of scene. He much prefers dive bars or sometimes a dimly lit lounge if the mood strikes him, but Brock had been so eager to introduce him to his favorite hotspot that Jensen didn’t have the heart to say no. This is exactly what he needs right now. To just stop thinking and lose himself in the press of sweat damp bodies and the rhythm of the music.

All day he’d spent wallowing in bed and ignoring the buzz of his cell. He slept on and off, quite happy to slip into unconsciousness when he could to stop his brain from replaying every second of the night before. Jared’s lips. His hands. In his daydreams they never stopped. The phone never rang and there was no Jake on the other end.

God he needs a shot. Where the fuck is the bartender?

Jensen stares down the length of the long Lucite bar top and watches the girl shaking up a martini for a woman in a skintight dress. He catches the bartender’s eye and she smiles at him. She’s wearing jeans and what might be considered a shirt but it’s about the size of an Ace bandage and holding on to her curves for dear life. When she pours him out his shot she keeps right on smiling at him in a way that makes it clear that he could probably get a lot more than alcohol from her if he wanted it. He downs the vodka in one gulp, leaves her a generous tip, and shoulders his way back through the crowd to find Brock.

Brock’s cheeks are already flushed rosy pink from the booze. He’s been dancing almost nonstop since they walked in, introducing Jensen to some of the other club regulars that he’s friends with. His sweat soaked t-shirt is tucked into his belt and his bared skin is glistening under the flashing neon lights. When Jensen slides a hand onto his waist, he turns at the touch and then wraps his arms around Jensen’s neck.

“There you are!” He nearly shouts into Jensen’s ear to be heard over the music. “Come on and dance with me!”

Jensen obliges him, fitting their hips together and holding onto Brock as they start to move. They’ve been getting more than a few envious looks throughout the night. Brock doesn’t seem to mind the attention. If anything he plays to it, arching his back and rolling his body into Jensen’s in a long sinuous line when he knows his friends are watching.

Brock turns and grinds his ass into Jensen’s crotch. An obvious invitation. It feels so damn good that Jensen is starting to get hard.

He pulls Brock in tighter to him and hooks his chin over his shoulder. “Do you know what you’re doing to me right now?”

Brock turns his head so that his mouth his less than an inch away. “I can feel exactly what I’m doing to you right now.”

Jensen closes that inch and fuses their mouths together. Brock tastes like sweat and rum and youthful abandon. It’s a powerful elixir. When he pulls back, Brocks eyes are glassy with alcohol and lust.

“Fuck. You’re really good at that.” Brock laps at Jensen’s bottom lip and sucks shamelessly on his tongue. It’s filthy how he’s making a spectacle of himself. Completely uninhibited in a way that Jensen never allows himself to be. It’s a powerful feeling to be the one who’s got him worked up to such a state. Powerful and really fucking hot.

He slides his hand down low on Brock’s firm stomach. “Let’s take this someplace more private.”

Brock bites his lip and smirks. He grabs Jensen’s hand and drags him towards the restrooms.

There’s already some other couple in there. He can hear one of them moan in the far stall. The thick slap of skin against skin echoes against the concrete and stainless steel.

Jensen immediately wants to leave but Brock tugs on his arm and pops open the nearest stall door. He cocks his head and motions for Jensen to get in with a sly grin. It’s a challenge. Jensen sure as hell isn’t about to back down now. He pushes Brock inside and locks the thin door closed behind them.

Brock attacks his mouth, hands roaming everywhere. “God I want you so bad”.  
  
Jensen unbuttons his own jeans and slides the zipper down. “Take me then”.

Brock sinks to his knees and pulls out Jensen’s cock. There’s no hesitation, no seductive teasing. Neither one of them seems to be interested in slow or gentle at the moment. A few quick strokes and Brock sucks Jensen down like he’s trying to prove something. A little rougher than Jensen normally likes but he’s not exactly in a position to complain. It’s all wet heat and hard suction and Jensen grabs for the top of the stall for something to hold onto. He fucks into Brocks mouth, egged on by the urgent pull of Brock’s hands on his hips. He tries to keep his thrusts short so that he won’t make Brock choke. He can already feel his orgasm building up inside him and he knows he’s not going to last long. It’s been a while since he’s done anything like this. Last night – well by the time he’d gotten home, jerking off had been the last thing on this mind.

Brock is moaning around his cock like a video slut and rubbing himself through his jeans. Part of Jensen’s brain, the part that still has any blood left in it, wonders if the noises he’s making are for his benefit or for the couple in the other stall. Jensen tries to focus on Brocks lips, pink and puffy where they’re wrapped tight around him.

He does not think about shaggy brown hair and hazel eyes.

Or nimble artist’s fingers or mile long legs.

Or a candy-sweet tongue sliding against his.

He tries to warn Brock before he comes but it hits him too fast. Brock gags a little but he recovers quickly, milking Jensen for all he’s worth. Groaning out his pleasure through clenched teeth, Jensen pulls away to try and collect himself before his knees give out from underneath him.

Brock wipes come off of his chin, flushed and breathless. Jensen pulls him up to his feet and kisses him, feeling more than a little guilty that the last images that flashed through his mind as he came had nothing at all to do with the guy right in front of him.

Of course, Brock is none the wiser. He pulls out his cock, takes Jensen’s hand and presses his fingers around it.

Jensen doesn’t need any further instruction. He’s not the type of asshole to leave the other person hanging after he’s gotten his rocks off. He takes his hand back for a second to spit into his palm and then starts jacking Brock fast and tight in his fist.

Brock whines like he’s dying. He grips Jensen’s bicep. Claws at his shoulder.

Jensen has to angle his chest away before he accidentally rubs his t-shirt into his ointment-coated tattoo.

“Yeah just like that. Oh god.” Brock pants. “Fuck!” He spills thick spatters all over Jensen’s fist.

Suddenly there’s giggling and enthusiastic applause from the other side of the restroom. Shit. Jensen almost forgot the fact that they weren’t really alone.

“Hope you liked tonight’s performance folks. Don’t forget to tip your waitress”.

 ~~~

Jared shifts nervously on his feet. He’s holding two paper cups of coffee and staring at the chipped green paint on Jensen’s apartment door. It’s not even 10am yet. Jensen is going to be grumpy at being woken up so early, but Jared knows that if he waits until Jensen comes in to the shop for work he’s going to be all business and pretend like nothing happened. Catching Jensen on his home turf is his best shot at getting a real talk with him.

Jared shakes off his hesitation with a roll of his shoulders, stacks one coffee on top of the other and knocks on the door. At first it’s just silence, but after a second knock he can hear a muffled groan and feet shuffling towards the door.

Jared nearly bobbles the coffees when Brock opens the door. He’s in his boxers and nothing else.

“Jared?” Brock rubs the sleep from his eyes. His hair is sticking up in all directions and he’s got imprinted lines from a pillow down his right cheek like he just crawled out of bed.

“Uh..” Jared’s brain scrambles to process the fact that Brock is standing practically naked in Jensen’s doorway, when he catches sight of Jensen walking out of the bathroom door rubbing his wet hair vigorously with a towel. He’s wearing an old pair of Wranglers and his favorite Zeppelin shirt. “Brock, who – oh.” Jensen pauses where he is when Brock pulls the door open wider and he sees Jared. “Jared, what are you doing here?”

Jared darts his eyes back and forth between the two of them. “I brought you some coffee. Sorry, I didn’t know you had company”.

Brock steps back and runs a hand through his hair. “No worries, man.” He turns and picks up a puddle of clothes that’s been left on the living room floor. “I should probably get going anyway.” He nods a quick “Be right out” to Jensen and then disappears into the bathroom.

“Come on in” Jensen says to Jared, tossing his damp towel over the back of an armchair. His apartment is small but comfortable enough. Jared’s spent countless hours on the navy blue couch next to Jensen playing video games and drinking beer. This is the first time he’s felt like a stranger here.

Jared shuts the door behind him and offers one of the coffees to Jensen. He expected him to be alone. Now he has no idea how to start. “You ah, you didn’t answer any of my texts or calls so I figured that I’d try to come talk to you in person”.

“You’ve got some spectacular timing.” Jensen snarks.

Jared clenches his fist tighter around his cup. “Yeah about that. What the hell dude?”

“What?”

“You know what. Two nights ago we were…”

“You, Jay. “ Jensen points his finger at him. “You were cheating on your boyfriend. I just happened to be there”

Ouch. Ok so no punches being pulled this morning. “That’s not fair. That’s not what happened.”

Jensen sets down his cup on the kitchen bar top and crosses his arms. “Really. Cause that’s what it felt like”

Jared’s only seen Jensen like this once, after the last time that his brother tossed him a few low blows in the guilt department trying to get him to go home to Richardson for Christmas.  He's hurting and defensive enough about it that he's lashing out.  Jared takes a breath to calm himself. “It’s complicated. I wanted to explain but you shut me out and then you go and…hop right into bed with the next guy that comes along? Excuse me if I’m a little-

“Jealous?”

Then Jared is seeing red. “Is that why you fucked him? To make me jealous? Well great. Job well done.”

Jensen starts to say something but he cuts it off when Brock walks back in fully dressed if somewhat wrinkled in last night’s clothes.

Jared wonders how much he might have heard from inside the bathroom.

“Alright guys, sorry I gotta run.” He sits down in the armchair, grabs his shoes from under the coffee table and pulls them on. “I’ve got a 14 hour shift ahead of me tonight and I need to get some real sleep in before then.”

He stands and crosses to Jensen, sliding an arm around his waist. “Thanks for letting me crash here.”

“No problem”.

Brock gives him a quick kiss on the corner of Jensen’s mouth.

Jared feels his stomach tighten in a hard knot.

“See ya”. Brock pulls away from Jensen and gives Jared a friendly pat on his arm as he heads out the door. “Good seeing you Jared”.

Then they’re alone and Jared is left feeling like a complete ass.

“Crash?”

“Yes, crash.” Jensen snaps. “We went out and had a few drinks. He had a few too many to drive home so I let him sleep on the couch”.

“So then you didn’t…” Jared lets the rest trail off. He’s not sure he wants to know but he just has to.

Jensen glares at him. “No. We fooled around some, got each other off, but no I didn’t fuck him. Anything else you want to know that’s none of your fucking business?”

Jared’s somewhat relieved but the images in his head of Brock kissing Jensen, touching him, still hurt. “You are my business. You’re my best friend. You’re my…my….” He doesn’t have the words. How do you even begin to describe someone like Jensen?

Jensen cocks his head in question. “What Jay? I’m not your boyfriend. You’ve already got one of those. So what else is there for me to be? Your fuckbuddy? Piece of ass on the side? No. No thanks.”

Jared slams his now cold coffee down on the countertop, not even flinching as it spills over. He gets right up in Jensen’s face, bristling with rage. “Stop putting words in my mouth! That’s not why I kissed you. That’s not what I want”.

“What do you want? Huh? What do you want from me? All these years Jay and now all of a sudden you show an interest. Don’t tell me this has nothing to do with Brock. With you not being able to handle someone else trying to play with your favorite toy.”

“Fuck you! That’s not how this is.” Jared’s hands are shaking at his sides. He searches Jensen’s eyes, emerald and anger. And scared.

It’s the scared that stops him cold. When he speaks again his tone is soft. “Why are you so convinced that’s all I want from you? You know me better than that. I’m not that guy. What are you scared of?”

Jensen visibly tenses and stares down at the floor.

Jared leans in closer, boxing Jensen in the corner between the counter and the living room wall. “Talk to me, Jen. We tell each other everything.”

Jensen squirms but he says nothing.

Jared sighs in frustration. “You worried about Jake? I’ll call him right now and tell him we’re off.” It’s not the way he would have wanted to end things. Jake is a nice guy and he deserves better, but he’ll take Jake being pissed at him any day of the week over the possibility of losing Jensen.

Jensen’s head snaps up. “Why would you do that?”

Jared sees the confusion on his face. His first instinct is to soothe. “Why would you think I wouldn’t? I’d do anything for you. How could you even question that?”

Jensen is quiet for a long moment, the muscles of his jaw clenching “And then what?”

Jared blinks. “What do you mean?”

“When it’s over. What happens then? What happens when it stops and then everything’s ruined?”

“I don’t know!” Jared throws his arms up in exasperation. “Who knows what’s going to happen? It’s the risk you take whenever you start something new with someone. Either things work out or they don’t. But if it doesn’t work it doesn’t have to be ruined. We can go back to being friends can’t we?

“No I don’t think so”

Jensen says it so softly that it’s almost a whisper. To Jared it feels like a kick in the face. “What? How could you say that?”

“You probably could, Jay.” There’s something rueful in Jensen’s voice. So painfully vulnerable. “But I can’t. It’s different. It’s just. It’s not the same for me”

“Why the fuck not?” Jared shouts. He’s angry and hurt and completely baffled that Jensen could even consider not being his friend anymore over a breakup that hasn’t even happened yet. He doesn’t understand. Then it clicks. It finally clicks and the weight of it nearly makes him buckle. “You love me”

Jensen turns his head away, staring off into the middle distance of the room. His Adam’s apple bobs up and down like its trying to actually swallow his words. “No”.

Jared ignores the lie for what it is. He sees the truth in Jensen’s face now and he’s not letting it go. “You love me”.

Jensen looks him in the eye. “Stop it” He orders Jared. There’s a plea in his voice that gives away how terrified he is.

Jared can’t stop. He needs to hear it even if it wrecks them both. He presses in closer and braces his arms against the wall on either side of Jensen, trapping him there. “You love me”.

Jensen’s hands come up and grip the collar of Jared’s t-shirt. To push or to pull, he’s not sure, but for the moment they just hold. “Please”.

He sounds half-broken. Jared just wants to comfort him but he can see Jensen’s defenses crumbling and he won’t stop until there’s nothing left. He can’t. Instead, he leans in and cups Jensen’s head in his hand, nuzzling against his cheekbones. Planting tiny kisses across his nose and forehead. When he reaches Jensen’s lips, they’re slightly parted, his breath shaky. Jared whispers against them. “You love me”.

He kisses Jensen with all the tenderness he can express. Soft and soothing. Jensen is tense and shaking at first but slowly he yields, letting Jared draw him out.

Jared feels him give and it makes him whimper in his throat. His lets his hands drop to Jensen’s waist, pulling him in tight against him.

Jensen reacts to the shift with a violent tremor like he’s just realized what’s happening. He shoves Jared back hard enough to make him stumble a few steps away.

“Fuck you!” he roars. “Is this what you want? Fine. So what? My feelings are my problem! Not yours. I’m not going to gamble our friendship on it. I’m sorry but I’m not taking that risk.”

Jared is still reeling. He feels like the ground is crumbling underneath him. “Jen”

“Just stop. You’ll get over it. We’ll be fine. You just have to let it go”. Jensen is practically vibrating as he struggles to reign himself in.   His fists are clenched at his sides like he wants to hit something.

Jared panics. “I don’t want to let it go! Jen, please-”

“Jay, just stop”.

“What about you?” Jared asks gesturing wildly. “You’re just going to stick your head in the sand and pretend everything’s ok? You’re a fucking coward.”

Jensen’s face goes carefully blank. Jared can almost hear his walls slam right back up, stronger than before. “I think you should go now”.

Jared feels a lump form in his throat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that”.

Jensen nods and pushes past Jared to the door. He holds it open.

“Jensen please.” Jared’s vision clouds as his eyes fill with tears.

“It’s ok, Jay. I just need you to go for now. I need some space”.

Jared shakes his head numbly. “Ok. Ok”.

He walks out and Jensen closes the door behind him without another word.


	6. Chapter 6

Jensen doesn’t go into work.  It’s just too raw right now, only hours after Jared had confronted him at his apartment.  Instead he texts Misha to cover for him, not wanting to ask Danneel to rearrange her schedule for him a second time.  
  
He doesn’t text Jared.  He knows he’ll probably be upset and maybe even worried, but Jensen’s still angry enough to let him stew in it for a day.  
  
After pacing his bedroom for a while, he decides to go to a NA meeting for the first time in a long time.  He knows himself by now.  He knows when he’s in danger of convincing himself that not thinking or feeling anything for a while would be a good thing.  
  
He calls Kane and asks for his bandmate Mike’s phone number who he knows is in the program.  He’d met Mike and one of The Winchester’s shows and they’d gotten to talking about their past histories.  Mike had left him with an open invitation for Jensen to join him anytime he felt like he wanted to go to a meeting, or even just to talk through a rough patch.  The regular meeting thing wasn’t usually his style.  Jensen tended to prefer going it alone, but at the moment he’d rather swallow his pride and take the support.  That conversation was a while ago now and in meantime he’d lost Mike’s number.  
  
Kane was understandably concerned when he explained why he needed to get in touch with Mike.  
  
“You know, I’m here for you right?  Anything you want to talk about, man.  Anything at all”.  
  
“I know.”  
  
There was a pause.  Jensen could almost hear the wheels turning in Kane’s head on the other end of the line.  “Is this about what we talked about the other day?  You and Jared?”  
  
Jensen sighs wearily.  “It’s complicated”.  
  
“Most things in life are buddy.  Why don’t you tell me about it?”

~~~

Jared tries to ignore the anxious knots in his stomach for most of the day.  He feels this disconnect from Jensen like a physical ache.  It's the absolute last thing he wanted to have happen but from the second that Jensen pushed him away, lips still bee-stung from his kisses, Jared's world feels like it’s been spiraling out of control.  
  
Jensen didn't come in to work.  Not that Jared really expected him to after that scene in his living room and that final plea for space.  God if he could take back that angry exchange and do it all over again, he'd never have said the things that he did.  He'd have told Jensen how much he means to him.  How everything's better when they're together.  How he'd do anything to deserve love from a man like Jensen.  
  
Jared is distracted.  Distraught, if he's being honest with himself.  He knows better than to try and deal with customers when he's like this, so he has Misha reschedule his appointments for another day, giving the paltry excuse of a migraine.  It's not really a lie.  He didn't sleep much at all the night before because he had been so wound up over going to see Jensen the next morning.  He's exhausted and he's got a raging stress headache.  Jared holds up in his office, noting that he's spent more time in there in the last two weeks than he has in the last two months.  Hiding isn't the most mature response- he knows that- but he just doesn't want to deal with people right now.  
  
He's sketching a portrait of a man whose features are starting to look more and more like Jensen's as the minutes tick by when there's a soft knock at his office door.  
  
"What?" he snaps  
  
The door cracks open just a bit and Dani peeks her head in "Got a sec?"  
  
"Not really".  That one is a lie.  He's got entirely too much time on his hands today.  But still.  Can't a guy mourn the total destruction of his heart in privacy?  "Something better be on fire or about to explode.  Anything else can just fucking wait."  
  
Dani snorts, clearly unimpressed by his warning.  She pushes her way in with Misha following right behind her.  "This can't wait then.  Because I swear to god if you don't pull you head out of your ass I'm going to dynamite it out of there for you."  
  
"I'm really not in the mood for this today Dani"  
  
Misha clicks the door shut behind him.  "I think what Danneel meant to say was that we're getting a little concerned about you, Jared.  We'd like to help if you'd let us".  Count on Misha and his perpetual state of Zen to play mediator.  
  
Jared turns his desk chair to face them and rubs a hand down his face.  "I'm fine.  Just tired and-"  
  
"The word you're thinking of is pining.” Dani snarks, crossing her arms.  “A blind person could see it, hon.  You're pining for Jensen and moping around here like a lovesick puppy whose master left him behind".  
  
"What the hell are you talking about?" Jared nearly shouts at her indignantly.  "That's not...."  
  
Jared lets the rest of his denial trail away to silence when Dani calmly picks up his sketchbook and holds his latest drawing up without bothering to comment.  And really she doesn't need to because the evidence is literally staring him right in the face.  It's not just a man's face who resembles Jensen.  It is Jensen.  A captured moment of absolute bliss in his expression that Jared remembers with sparkling clarity from that night they'd first kissed.  His eyes are half lidded and the tip of his tongue is caught coyly between his teeth at the corner of his mouth.  He looks so content and yet there's something hinting at a hidden wildness underneath.  Like a lion lazily watching his prey seconds before he pounces.  Jared remembers that expression flashing across Jensen's face in the few seconds when they’d come up for air.  Right before he swooped in and ravaged Jared 's mouth, returning his kiss and taking as much as he'd given just moments before.  
  
Suddenly he's aware that Dani and Misha are watching him like they're expecting some sort of explanation.  
  
"It's personal ok?  It's between Jensen and I."  
  
Dani tosses his sketch back onto the desk.  "From the looks of it there's not much of anything between you and Jensen lately.  That's the problem".  She sighs, appearing to soften the edge of her frustration with him somewhat.  "Both of you are obviously upset about something and avoiding each other.  We're your friends Jay.  Let us help”.  
  
Jared sighs.  “I kissed him”.  
  
Dani’s mouth drops open comically wide.  An instant later she’s hopping up and down and squealing like an ecstatic teenager.  “Oh my god!  Finally!  Finally!  I thought I’d have grey hair before either of you got the balls.  Tell me what happened right now and don’t spare the details.  He’s a great kisser isn’t he?  I was drunk when we made out that time, and I mean shmammered drunk, but I remember that.  Phew boy, I remember that alright.”  
  
Jared just glares at her.  
  
“I suspect there’s more to the story”.  Misha offers dryly.  “Please, Jared.  Continue.”  
  
Jared fills them in, taking some comfort in being able to share his side of things with an attentive audience.  When he’s done he falls silent, waiting for their input.  Dani doesn’t disappoint.  
  
“You giant freaking moron!”  
  
Misha puts a hand on her shoulder.  “Danneel, be gentle with him”.  
  
“What?” Jared asks dumbfounded.  He seems to have lost the thread somewhere.  
  
Dani throws up her hands in frustration.  “What do you mean ‘what’?  Where do I begin?  First, you kiss another guy, your best friend, while you’re currently dating someone.  Someone who you should never have even started dating when you’re already head over heels for said best friend.  
  
“I-“  
  
“Second” Dani continues, barreling right over Jared’s sputtering.  “You get all up in Jensen’s face about passing the time with another guy like some jealous boyfriend when you know you don’t have a leg to stand on there.  And third, you essentially bully him into admitting his feelings for you when - unless you’ve left this little tidbit out - you never told him that you love him back”.  
  
Jared is reeling when she finishes her tirade.  She’s right.  She’s so right.  “Oh my god.  I am a giant freaking moron”.   He buries his head in his heads.  
  
Dani sits on the edge of his desk, legs crossed demurely, and starts rubbing his back to soothe him.  “Oh sweetie, most men are.  Jensen has his moments too.  You just have to figure out how to not both be morons at the same time or else you’ll be getting nowhere real fast”.  
  
Jared leans over and rests his head on her lap.  “What do I do?”  
  
Misha clears his throat.  “That’s not the question you need to answer”.  
  
They both up at him expectantly.  
  
“Do you love him?”  
  
Jared straightens and looks Misha right in the eye.  “Yes”.  He feels the truth of it down to his bones.  He never put it to words in this way or even really questioned it before.  It wasn’t a dramatic freefall like in the movies.  Jensen had just quietly slipped in under his skin and became a part of him without his realizing it.  How could he?  Fish can’t see the water that they swim in.  
  
Misha nods.  “Do you think Jensen meant it when he said he loved you?”  
  
Jared thinks about shy smiles over coffee, turkey sandwiches, and multivitamins.  He thinks about what Jensen said to him.  _I’d never break your heart._  
  
God, how long had he been so blind?  “Yes.  I think he did.  Does.”  
  
“Good.” Misha smiles at him like a prized pupil.  “Then if you want to be with him, you know what you have to do”.  
  
Jared turns it over and over in his mind.  Everything Jensen had told him about not letting the people he loves take him for granted – he understood now that he’d done the same thing to Jensen.  _If they don’t care enough about you to put you first, then you’ve got to let them go.  Even if it hurts to do it.  You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love you back like they should._  
  
He’s got to fix this.  Tell Jensen that he loves him.  Show Jensen how much he means to him.  
  
“Thanks guys.  I think I can take it from here.  I’ve got some calls to make”.

 ~~~

Jensen’s keeps as busy as he can the next day at work.  It helps him avoid Jared’s puppy dog eyes that he feels watching him wherever he goes.  He spends the morning sorting out the schedule, which somehow Misha managed to royally screw up in his absence.  It looks like Jared didn’t take any clients the day before which Jensen is trying hard not to fret about.  Jared seemed ok enough this morning, aside from the slight circles under his eyes.  Probably didn’t get enough sleep.  Which makes two of them then because neither did Jensen.  
  
They didn’t really talk other than a quiet “Good morning” when Jared walked in.  Jensen immediately put on his headphones, and Jared got the signal to not try and talk to him just yet.  He thought that's what he needed to get some distance from Jared, but as the day drags on he’s less sure about it.  They’re supposed to be friends aren’t they?  That’s the whole point.  So maybe they both just need to rise above this little bit of awkwardness as best they can until it goes away on its own.  He just needs to man up and compartmentalize his feelings a little better.  After all it’s what he’s had to do for pretty much their whole relationship.  
  
Jensen gets his opportunity when Jared walks up to his desk at lunchtime.  His hands are shoved deep into his pockets, baby pink scarf looking all the more ridiculous against the sleeveless Ramones t-shirt he’s wearing.  He looks so awkward and nervous that Jensen has to stop himself from pulling him into a hug.  
  
“Hey, man” Jared says, making eye contact with his shoes rather than Jensen.  “I’m going down to the bakery to grab some lunch.  Can I get you something?”  
  
“Um.”  Jensen tries not to think about how Jared’s tribal tattoo sleeve accentuates the muscles of his right arm.  Friends.  Checking out Jared’s guns is not friend-zone behavior.  “Yeah, thanks.  I-ah.  I could go with you if you want.  I mean it’s pretty slow right now so Dani could handle the desk for an hour.”  
  
Jared’s head pops up and he looks so happy and relieved that if he were an actual puppy he’d be wagging his tail.  A moment later though the happy is gone and he looks kinda freaked.  
  
“No!  I mean.  I appreciate it, you have no idea.  Seriously, Jen any other day and I’d really really love that but it’s just-“  
  
“Jared?”  
  
Jared starts and whips his head around.  There’s a tall lanky guy with blue bedroom eyes and dirty blonde hair standing in the open doorway.  
  
“Jake!  Hey, I thought I was going to meet you there.”  
  
Jake.  Jensen feels like he just got suckerpunched.  
  
“I know but I couldn’t pass up the chance to finally see your store.”  Jake says, sidling up next to Jared and putting an arm around his waist.  
  
“Shop.” Jensen side-eyes Jake.  What does he think they sell here for fucks sake, stickers?  
  
“What?” Jake turns his attention to Jensen as if noticing him for the first time.  
  
Jensen mentally pats himself on the back for not rolling his eyes.  “Little tip for you; People usually call it a tattoo shop, parlor, gallery, or studio.  Not so much a store...”  
  
Jared wriggles away from Jake’s touch and runs a hand through his hair nervously.  “Ah Jake, this is Jensen.  Jensen, meet Jake.”  
  
Jake visibly brightens and offers a handshake.  “Jensen!  Good to finally meet you.  Jared talks about you all the time.”  
  
Jensen shakes his hand and gives him a quick nod but doesn’t bother commenting.  He can be the adult and be polite but he doesn’t have to like it.  
  
Luckily Jared steps in.  “We should go.”  He’s sweating like a whore in church.  
  
“Yeah ok.  See ya around, Jensen.” Jake says as Jared hustles him out of the door.  
  
Jared turns and shoots Jensen an apologetic look before leaves.  
  
Jensen watches him go and then puts his head down on his desk basically just hating life.  Seconds later he can hear the shuffle of Kane’s cowboy boots coming his way.  “Come on kid, let me buy you a coffee”.  
  
Jensen huffs out a weak laugh.  The only coffee Kane ever ‘buys’ him is the free stuff in the kitchenette.  He follows Kane into the back and takes the mug that’s offered him.  “So I take it you saw that.”  
  
Kane leans against the counter.  “Yeah.  That was special.  You ok?”  
  
“Yeah, I’m fine.”  Jensen catches the skeptical look Kane gives him.  “No honestly.  I’m ok.  I talked to Mike yesterday and I feel pretty solid.  All things considered.”  
  
“Good, man.  Glad to hear it.  Listen why don’t you come sing with me Friday night?”  
  
“Are you nuts?”  
  
“Hear me out.  I think this could be good for you.  Come to a few practices, chill with me and the guys, and just get your mind off of this Jared thing.  You’ll kick ass.  You know you will.”  Kane rears his head back at Jensen’s scoff of disbelief.  “Come on, you think I say this shit for my health?  I don’t give empty compliments.  You’re seriously good.  Don’t make me keep saying it.  My ego can only handle so much.”  
  
He likes singing.  But on stage in front of people?  “I don’t know about all that.  I’m no performer.”  
  
“Shit man, I’m not asking you to be Mick-fucking-Jagger up there.  We can do something low key.  Maybe acoustic.  Just you and me sitting around on a couple of stools singing.”  
  
“Oh yeah, just you and me and a bar full of drunk rock fans”.  
  
“Don’t even worry about that part.  If you get nervous just picture them all naked.”  
  
“I’m not picturing you naked.” Jensen deadpans.  
  
Kane laughs so hard his shoulders shake.  “Nah, man.  You need to be relaxed.  Not drooling for my sweet ass”.  
  
Jensen laughs along with him.  It feels good to be thinking about something other than the endless loop of coulda-woulda-shoulda’s over Jared he’s been living in the past few days.  Maybe Kane’s suggestion isn’t such a crazy idea after all.  
  
“Ok.  I’ll do it.  But I’m not making this a thing.  One night only.”  
  
“Yeah boy!” Kane punches the air.  “This is going to be good.  You wait and see.  So?  What do you want to sing?”  
  
Jensen thinks for a moment.  “I might have some ideas”.

 ~~~

When Jared gets back to the shop he sets a paper bag down on Jensen’s desk with a sheepish smile.  “I brought you a ham, tomato, and mozzarella.  And something extra.”  
  
“Thanks” Jensen says flatly.  He puts the bag on the floor next to his chair.  “I’ll eat it later”.  
  
Jared frowns.  “Look, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean for him to come in here.”  
  
“Why?  He’s your boyfriend.  This is your place of business.  You’ve got every right in the world to bring him around here whenever you want”.   Jensen sounds cold and dispassionate even to his own ears but it’s the best defense he’s got at the moment.  
  
Jared looks pained.  He opens his mouth to say something when the door chimes behind him.  It’s a woman in her early thirties or so with blonde and purple hair.  
  
“Um, hi?  I have an appointment with Chad.”  
  
Jensen hops up, so ready to get away from this conversation.  “Yeah, let me get you set up with him.  For the record, the views and opinions expressed by Chad Michael Murray do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions held by the proprietors of Morgan’s Body Shop.”  
  
The woman laughs at him.  “What does that mean?”  
  
“It’s our standard Chad disclaimer.  Basically pay no attention to anything that comes out of his mouth and you’ll be just fine”.  
  
When Jensen gets back to his desk, Jared is blessedly gone.  Back to his office probably.  
  
He picks up his lunch and starts routing through the bag.  Underneath his sandwich is a small pink cardboard box tied with a string.  Jensen opens it to find a double chocolate cupcake with chocolate sprinkles.  Jared’s apparent peace-offering designed to appeal to his sweet tooth.  A cute thought.  Would’ve been even better had he not bought it while on a friggin lunch date with his boyfriend.  
  
Of course, it’s not the cupcake’s fault and Jensen’s not the kinda guy who turns down free desert.  When he’s pretty much demolished it, he licks chocolate icing off of his fingers and grabs for the napkin at the bottom of the bag.  He spots something written on it.  
  
"J+J" in flow-y script inside a big cartoon heart.  Jesus fucking Christ.  That’s just insult to injury.  Bad enough he’s got to deal with Jake coming around all of a sudden, now even his goddamn lunch has got to be littered with Jared’s goofy scribbles about his big gay crush on his fucking boyfriend.  It’s too much.  
  
Jensen looks around and spots Kane drawing up a stencil on his lightbox.  He goes over and tosses the napkin into Kane’s lap.  “Check this shit out.  Jared must have dropped it in there with my food accidentally.  I feel like I’m going to puke.”  
  
Kane smooths out the balled up napkin and reads it.  “J+J?"  
  
“Jared and Jake.”  
  
“Shit”.  
  
“Yeah.  Whatever.  Like I said, I’m sure I was never meant to see it.  It just royally sucks”.  
  
“I’m sorry, man.  Listen why don’t you take a walk or something?  Go take an actual lunch break for once.  Not at your desk.  Go down to the park maybe.  It might help clear your head.”  
  
Jensen glances towards the door of Jared’s office.  “I don’t know.”  
  
“Don’t worry about it.  I’ll run interference for you.”  
  
“Thanks, man.  I’ll be back in an hour.”

 ~~~

Kane all but storms into Jared’s office where Jared is fiddling with something on his laptop.  “Seriously dude.  Jensen don’t need to see this shit.”  He tosses the balled up napkin onto Jared’s keyboard.  
  
Jared’s whole brain grinds to a halt.  His hands shake a little as he picks up the napkin.  “I-I don’t get it.  Why he’d give it to you?”  
  
“Why the fuck would he keep it?” Kane asks incredulously.  “He knows you’re with Jake.  Believe me he knows.  He doesn’t need it spelled out in sappy little doodles all over the place too.  Please keep that stuff to yourself”.  
  
Jared looks at him in utter confusion.  “Wait, so he thinks I drew this for Jake?  Is that what he told you?”  
  
Kane scowls at him.  “Yeah.  He told me that.  He told me everything.  And I gotta say I expected more from you, Jay.  He’s your best friend.  Why are you fucking with his head like this?  Did you know he went to an NA meeting yesterday?  
  
“What?”  Jared pales.  Jensen's been doing so good for so long.  He feels a sudden gut-check of guilt when he thinks about Jensen feeling less than solid about his sobriety right in the middle of this new rift between them.  
  
Kane looks pissed enough to start throwing punches.  "He’d probably kill me for telling you that, but you need to understand what you’ve been doing to him.  Parading this guy around in front of Jensen after he told you how he feels about you.  He’s torn up enough as it is!  Way to kick a guy when he's down.”  
  
“Jake and I broke up!” Jared shouts.  “That’s why I asked him to come meet up with me today.”  
  
 “What?”  
  
“Yeah, I broke up with him so that I could be with Jensen.”  
  
Kane stares down stupidly at the napkin.  “So then, you meant this for him?”  
  
“Yes.  The J’s aren’t for Jared and Jake.  They’re for Jared and Jensen.  Jared loves Jensen."  
  
Kane sags against the wall heavily.  “Fuck, dude.  You need to diversify your portfolio.  Meet a guy whose name is Tim or David or something.”  
  
Jared makes a noise that’s a sad imitation of a laugh.  “I know it's dumb and juvenile but I thought it was maybe a way to get his attention.  He's shutting me out and I just can't stand it.  I swear to god it’s like every time I turn around I’m fucking this up more and more.  I love him, Chris.  I really do.  I’m trying to fix this but I keep getting in my own way.  I wouldn’t blame Jensen if he never wants to talk to me again.”  
  
Kane claps a hand on his shoulder.  “I’m sorry, Jay.  I should’ve given you the benefit of the doubt.  But listen you shouldn’t be telling all this to me.  You need to be telling this to Jensen.”  
  
Jared clenches his the napkin in his fist.  “I plan to”.


	7. Chapter 7

By the end of the day on Monday, Jensen is more than ready to get home. Well not home exactly. It’s his first practice session with the band and he’s got a few song ideas rolling around in his head already for the show Friday night. He’s a little nervous about singing in front of those guys. They’re all pretty talented and have probably played with lots of people who are way better than him. He’s hoping to score himself some points with them by bringing along a few cases of beer.  
  
When he gets to Steve’s house everyone’s all set up in his basement. Steve greets him when he knocks on the side door entrance. “Hey man, welcome. Come on in.”  
  
Steve’s got soundproofing tacked to the walls, a concession to his neighbors, but otherwise it looks like the rec room of any other suburban family house. And really that’s just what it is. Steve’s 4 year old daughter’s toys are scattered around in one corner on a brightly colored rug. There’s an armchair that looks like it was rescued from the side of the road and patched together with ducktape and a prayer. And there’s a washer and dryer against one wall that with a basket of towels sitting on top waiting to be cleaned. The whole homey scene immediately helps put Jensen at ease.  
  
After a beer or two he’s loosened up. It’s not like he hasn’t hung out with the band before. Steve and Chris are like family. Mike is quickly becoming someone he knows he can rely on. And the rest of them are easy-going guys. It’s only when everyone picks up their instruments and Chris hands him a mic that he starts to get self-conscious again. Christ, is this really happening?  
  
“So, what do you feel like singing?” Chris asks as he idly strums his guitar. “We can probably fit in two or three more songs into the set if you wanna do more than one.”  
  
Jensen clears his throat. “Um, yeah ok. Let’s try some stuff and see what works”.  
  
An hour later, Jensen feels like he’s completely in his element. It just clicks. He can close his eyes and let the lyrics just flow through him as easy as breathing. Kane’s voice is rich and powerful and Steve’s voice is sweet and clear. They harmonize perfectly with his own. The Winchesters usually play rock and the grittier side of country but with Jensen taking the lead their sound transforms, edging into something more alternative and indie. It’s got the rest of the band excited to be mixing things up a little.  
  
They take a break for a while and pass around some more beer. He’s talking to Mike when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.  
  
Brock. Crap. He probably should have at least called the guy since that last awkward morning. He excuses himself and walks out into Steve’s backyard for some privacy before picking up.“Hey, how’s it going?”  
  
“Hey. I’m good. How about you? What have you been up to?”  
  
Jensen scuffs at the grass with the toe of his sneaker. “Oh you know, staying out of trouble. Sorry I didn’t call sooner. Things have been…busy.”  
  
“It’s cool. I’ve been pretty busy myself. Listen, do you want do get together Thursday night? I know this great Mexican place-“  
  
“Actually, I don’t think so.” Jensen sighs. He’s got to do this. It just isn’t fair to string the guy along when his heart isn’t in it. “I’ve got some stuff going on that-“  
  
“Let me guess.” Brock interrupts. “Jared.”  
  
Jensen doesn’t even know how to respond to that. He feels like an asshole. “Is it really that obvious?”  
  
Brock huffs out a laugh. “Well, I kinda figured after I got a good look at how you two are with each other. Just thought I’d give it a shot on calling you anyway. Can’t blame a guy for trying, right?”  
  
“I’m sorry.” Jensen apologizes. He winces at just how pathetic it sounds.  
  
“Don’t be. The heart wants what the heart wants and all that crap, I guess. Seriously, you’re a good guy Jensen. You should be happy. Take care of yourself, ok?”  
  
“Y-Yeah. You too.” Jensen ends the call and just stares at his phone at moment.  
  
 _The way you two are with each other_. It’s salt in his wound.  
  
There’s just no getting away from it. He can’t leave Jared behind and he can’t unlove him. Wouldn’t recognize himself anymore even if that were possible. But what’s more, he doesn’t want to. How can someone be content to live their lives in shadow once they’ve felt the warmth of the sun on their face? It’s unthinkable.  
  
So maybe he dies inside a little watching Jared be happy with someone else. So what? That’s ok. He’ll take what he can get.

 ~~~

The next day at work seemed to drag on forever. It’s a slow day as far as clients go and Chad has been particularly annoying. Ranting on and on about the little brunette at the bakery who won’t give him the time of day. Jensen briefly thinks about taking a collection up so they can pay her to go out with the guy. Anything to get him to shut up about it.  
  
When Steve comes in for his afternoon appointment with a client, he’s got an OfficeMax box under one arm. He drops it on the desktop at Kane’s station who’s putting a bluebird on some girl’s shoulder. “Check it out man. Just picked these up.” Steve grabs a neon green piece of paper out of the box and holds it up for Kane to see.  
  
“Nice!” Kane exclaims. “Hey Jensen, come take a look.”  
  
Jensen shuffles over. It’s a flyer for the band’s show on Friday. It looks pretty much just like all their past ones, Kane screaming into a microphone with the band behind him rocking out. The Winchester band logo big and bold as the backdrop. Then he notices the new addition to the banner at the top. The Winchesters _featuring Jensen Ackles_.  
  
“No way. Seriously?”  
  
“Of course, dude!” Kane smiles and nudges him with his elbow. “We’re promoting the shit out of you.”  
  
“Personally I think we should have put a picture of you on there too, but nobody had one handy. Maybe could get some more girls to show up that way.” Steve wiggles his eyebrows jokingly.  
  
“Yeah and if you had I would’ve killed you both and then there’d be no show. Seriously guys, this is great. Thanks.”  
  
“Hey Jared!” Steve calls, snatching the flyer out of Jensen’s hand. “Mind if we put one of these up in the window?”  
  
Jared looks up from where he’s hunched over tattooing the top of a client’s foot. Jensen has the brief urge to scold him about how that position can’t be good for his back. Steven holds up the flyer and Jared squints as he reads it. It makes his nose scrunch up in this inhumanly adorable way.“You’re gonna sing?” Jared blurts out in surprise, eyes darting over to Jensen.  
  
“Um, yeah. Chris talked me into it.” Jensen shrugs like it’s no big deal. It’s painfully obvious now how much has changed in their friendship recently that Jared is one of the last to know about this.  
  
“No, I mean that’s great.” Jared must feel it too. He smiles but there’s something strained about it. Maybe hurt a little. “You’ll be great.” He nods to Steve. “Go ahead and stick it on the door so everyone will see it when they walk in.”  
  
Steve goes off to find some tape and Jared fires up his tattoo gun again but something inside Jensen can’t let the moment go. He might have asked Jared for space but he never wanted this. This gaping hole in what used to be the goddamn center of his life.  
  
“Jay?”  
  
Jared stops what he’s doing. “Yeah?”  
  
“You’re gonna come right? To the show?” Jensen is a little embarrassed of how vulnerable it sounds coming out of his mouth. They’re in the middle of the shop and anyone can hear them, but what he cares more about is that Jared knows he’s wanted.  
  
Jensen sees that he’s hit his mark when Jared fucking beams at him like he just offered him the moon. “Course I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss it.”  
  
“Good”. Jensen ducks his head to hide the slight blush creeping across his cheeks. Jared and his stupid dimples are squarely to blame for it.

~~~ 

A few hours later the shop is empty, the only sound coming from the hum of the computers. As he’s sliding his arms into his jacket, Jensen notices the light on underneath Jared’s door. He must be in there working on something. It’s well past time he should be heading home already.  
  
“Jay?” Jensen asks, knocking on his door.  
  
Jared opens it almost immediately. “Hey, come on in”.  
  
“I’m on my way out actually. Just wanted to let you know.”  
  
“Wait!” Jared takes something out of his pocket and presses it into Jensen’s hand. It’s a folded square of paper. When Jensen opens it up he finds his own face looking back at him. A portrait. Jared drew his portrait. From memory.  
  
Jensen looks up at him, lost. “What is this?”  
  
Jared shrugs and his face flushes a little. “You. Can’t seem to get you off my mind lately”.  
  
“Jared-“  
  
“I broke it off with him.”  
  
Jensen swallows hard. Blinks a few times, not quite sure of his hold on reality at the moment. He carefully folds the paper back up and tucks it into his jacket pocket. “I didn’t ask you to do that.”  
  
Jared moves forward until he’s only about a foot away from Jensen. “I know you didn’t. I did it because it wasn’t right to be with him when he’s not the one I really want to be with.”  
  
Jensen’s chest feels tight. His heart is trying to triphammer right through it. “Jay”  
  
Jared takes Jensen’s hands in his, linking their fingers together. “Listen, I’m sorry that I didn’t do it sooner. I never meant to make you feel like I was trying to play you, or that you were anything but my first choice. Cause you are, you know?” Jared bends a little so Jensen is forced to look him in the eye. “I just didn’t know for sure that you even thought about me like that when I started seeing him. If I had-”  
  
“I know. I-I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. We wasted so much time. And I’m as much to blame as you for that. Dancing around this thing and never just going for it. I’m tired of it. God, I’m so fucking tired of it!”  
  
Jared looks at him imploringly, “But-“  
  
“No, I mean…” Jensen drops Jared’s hands and takes a step back. Needs to get that distance to make sure his head is clear enough to get this out the right way. “I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I regret, ok? And once I felt like I had my head on straight, I got kinda paranoid about doing anything that would rock the boat again. Keeping people at arm’s length. Not trying new things outside of my routine. Not putting myself out there in a big way. And I’ve been pretty good at it. Except for when it comes to you. You’ve always been my weak spot. Since pretty much Day One.”  
  
“Yeah?” Jared asks softly.  
  
“Yeah. And as much as I wanted something to happen between us, it freaked me out too. Rocked me to my fucking core. Because you know, what if I screwed it up and I lost you? I couldn’t handle that. You mean too much to me. I convinced myself that it was better to not even take that risk.”  
  
“And now?”  
  
Jensen notices how much his hands were shaking. He moves forward and puts them on Jared’s waist almost without thinking. Like it’s the most natural thing in the world for him to do. Jensen can feel the heat of him through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. It teases up this crazy want he’s been trying so hard to keep at bay. “I don’t want letting you slip through my fingers be something else I have to regret.”  
  
Jared puts his hands on Jensen’s shoulders and pulls him closer. “The only thing I regret is not doing this sooner. All this time. I should have told you, but I don’t think I really understood it until now. I love you, Jen.”  
  
And that’s it. After so many years of holding his breath for this moment the relief is so huge, he’s like a drowning man getting his first big gasp of air. He’s saved.  
  
He can’t think. Can’t speak. So he just let’s go. Seconds later he hears a bang and it’s the sound of Jared’s back hitting his office door. It’s then he realizes that he’s pinned Jared against it, fists clenched in the neck of his t-shirt. Jared smells like cherry Jolly Rancher candies. Why the hell is that so hot?  
  
“Jen” Jared gasps.  
  
“Say it again.”  
  
Jared’s hazel eyes darken. His breath quickens. “I love you."  
  
It’s barely out of Jared’s mouth before Jensen is silencing him again with a kiss. His blood is rushing in his ears and every part of him is desperate for every part of Jared, but he holds it all ruthlessly in check. This isn’t about sex. Not right now. This is years of unsaid endearments and affections that would have been out of place just being his friend. Every time he’s wanted to hold Jared and tell him how proud he is of his talent, his drive, his generosity, his compassion, his selflessness. He doesn’t have the words to encompass it all so instead he communicates it with every slick slide of his lips and touch of his tongue. He doesn’t stop until they’re both trembling.  
  
“G-God” Jared pants. He rests his forehead against Jensen’s. “How long you been saving that one up?”  
  
“Long time.” Jensen murmurs. He pulls back just far enough to tuck a stray lock of hair behind Jared’s ear. The fact that he can do that now without censuring himself is a brand new thrill. “I really like kissing you so I suggest you get used to it.”  
  
“I can handle that” Jared smiles.  
  
Jensen presses a quick kiss to the apple of his cheek. Just cause he can. “Good. Cause there’s a lot more where that came from.”  
  
Jared sighs in pleasure and tugs him closer. Jensen’s only ever heard him make that sound about food before. “Can we maybe get out of here? Continue this at your place?”  
  
Jensen feels himself get hard just thinking about it. But he made a commitment.  
  
“I can’t” he groans. “I’m supposed to be at Steve’s 20 minutes ago for band practice.”  
  
Jared whines in protest. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”  
  
“I promised. I’m sorry. We only have so much time every night after work before Steve’s wife kicks us out.”  
  
“So when do I get to see you again?”  
  
Jensen laughs “Jay, you see me every day.”  
  
“You know what I mean.” Jared insists. He’s seconds away from a full-out pout. It’s ridiculously cute.  
  
“After the show on Friday” Jensen promises. “You’ll have my undivided attention.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Jared! Over here!”

Jared can barely hear Chad over the din of the crowd in the tightly packed bar, but he’s able to zero in on Chad’s long tattoo-clad arm waving him over. He shoulders his way as gently as he can through the press of people from the door to where Chad, Danneel, and Misha are huddled together under a sugar-skull poster of Jimi Hendrix.

“Hey guys.”

“You’re just in time!” Danneel squeals excitedly as she squeezes his waist. “They’re going to start any minute. I’m so nervous for him”.

“He’s going to do great. Steve can’t stop talking about how good they sound together.” Misha assures her.

“I gotta hand it to him. I didn’t think Jennyboy had the stones to go through with something like this”. Chad comments, handing Jared a beer.

“Well you don’t know him like I do”. Jared replied, sharing a conspiratorial wink with Danneel.

Of course, Jared doesn’t know all of Jensen as well has he’d really like to just yet. Since Tuesday night he’d only had a few stolen moments alone with Jensen between their work schedules and Jensen’s nightly practice sessions with the band. He could tell that Jensen was really excited about the show. It was a big deal for him to be trying something new and venturing out of his comfort zone. And he was really proud of Jensen for being brave enough to do it in such a big public way.

That’s what he kept reminding himself every night when Jensen kissed him senseless and then left him to deal with all that pent up arousal on his own. The evil little glint in Jensen’s eyes as he took off for Steve’s with a smile on his face had Jared convinced that he was definitely doing it on purpose. As if Jared needed any more sexual frustration between them then there already was. If Jensen was trying to kill him he was doing a great job.

A minute later the stage lights flash and the guys start to walk out on stage. Jared catches sight of Jensen and he may as well be the only one up there. Or in the entire club for that matter. Anyone else simply can’t compare.

He’s dressed in plain olive brown slacks, red suspenders, and a simple white cotton tank top that showcases his arms and shoulders. All intricate ink and toned muscle. On his head is his favorite grey flat cap to shield his eyes from the bright stage lights that swivel overhead. Their blue-filtered light makes Jensen’s skin glow like he’s carved from some kind of exotic marble.

“There’s our boy!” Dani shouts, raising her beer in the air to cheer with the rest of the crowd as the band takes their positions.

 _Man_ , Jared corrects her in his head. Jensen is all man. And all his.

“Welcome to the Blue Room!” Kane announces. “We are The Winchesters.” After another round of cheers from appreciative fans, Kane tips back his old straw cowboy hat and nods towards Jensen. “We’ve got a special treat for y’all. I’d like to introduce our buddy Jensen Ackles. He’s gonna help us out tonight and maybe take the lead on a song or two. How does that sound?”

More enthusiastic cheers ring out and quite a few catcalls from the ladies, which makes Jensen smile bashfully and give a little wave of thanks. Mike claps him on the back in encouragement.

“Alright then. Let’s hit it!” Kane shouts.

The crowd roars as the band breaks into a Metallica-style rendition of _Whiskey in the Jar_. Kane growls the lead vocals while Jensen rounds it out with his harmonies. He seems so comfortable up there with a mic in his hand that anyone who didn’t know better would never be able to guess that it’s his first time on stage. Jared watches every move Jensen makes, trying to commit it all to memory. Luckily for him, Misha and his Flip camera are there to provide backup.

The band’s got the crowd on fire with their trademark mix of classic rock covers that the whole bar knows by heart and a few rock/country hybrid originals written mostly by Steve that fit in seamlessly. The Winchesters might have never really hit it big but they know their audience and they never disappoint.

A little more than halfway through their 12 song set, Kane motions to Jensen. “We’re going to switch things up here folks and let Jensen take the lead for a bit. Jensen, you’re on man!”

Everyone in the bar cheers as Jensen takes his place front and center. He fiddles with the mic stand to bring it up to his height. “Thanks. Um, the first song I’m gonna sing for you was pretty meaningful to me as I was coming out of a real low point in my life. So, yea. Here it goes.”

The song starts simply with a single guitar as the only backup, letting the warm quality of Jensen’s voice standout. A lyric or two in, and Jared recognizes the song. _Second Chances_ by Shinedown. It’s an emotional song, but especially for someone with a past like Jensen’s. As the song ramps up into the second verse, the sound builds and the guitars and the drums take it someplace edgier. Jensen pours plenty of angst into his voice as he belts out the chorus.

“ _Tell my mother, tell my father I've done the best I can_  
 _To make them realize this is my life, I hope they understand_  
 _I'm not angry, I'm just saying_  
 _Sometimes goodbye is a second chance”_

Jared knows that Jensen still harbors a lot of complicated feelings about his family and their strained relationship, but he’s never seen him express it like this. It’s raw and passionate and completely captivating to watch. He’s got the whole crowd in his pocket.

“ _Please don't cry one tear for me_  
 _I'm not afraid of what I have to say_  
 _This is my one and only voice_  
 _So listen close, it's only for today”_

Jared glances down at Dani who has her hands clasped tightly together in front of her mouth almost like she’s praying. She looks up at him with tears in her eyes and smiles. _He’s amazing_ , she mouths to him. Jared gives her a one armed hug around her shoulders and smiles. Yes. Yes he is.

The band is right there with Jensen, rocking it out hard and rough to match the gritty energy he’s creating with every drawn out wail. The song ends with Jensen belting out the final line of the chorus acapella, making it sound almost haunting.

The crowd cheers wildly. Jared nearly goes deaf from the high-pitched whistle that Chad lets out right next to his ear. But he doesn’t care. He’s smiling so big that it almost hurts his face. He’s never been prouder of anyone in his life. It’s like he’s been one of the few people who knew how special Jensen was and now everyone else is finally in on the secret too.

Jensen wipes the sweat off of his brow and smiles. “Thank you. Thanks a lot.” He takes a stool that Mike offers him and he lowers the mic stand a bit and he introduces the next song. “I chose this one for someone I know who’s a big Pearl Jam freak.” His eyes seek out Jared, connect, and hold right on him. “Hope they like it.”

This time it’s just Kane and Steve backing him up on acoustic guitars and it immediately feels much more subdued and intimate than the song before. The first notes start and Jared gets a knot in his throat. _Just Breathe_. It’s his favorite song and it couldn’t be more perfect.

“ _Yes I understand that every life must end, aw huh..._  
 _As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, aw huh..._  
 _I'm a lucky man to count on both hands_  
 _The ones I love..._

_Some folks just have one  
Others they got none, aw huh..._

_Stay with me  
Let’s just breathe...”_

Jensen’s voice is whiskey and honey. It’s a totally different kind of emotion he’s showing now but it’s just as honest and no less powerful for its simplicity. He exposed some old scars in the last song, but in this one he’s baring his heart.

  
_Stay with me_   
_You're all I see..._   
  
_Did I say that I need you?_   
_Did I say that I want you?_   
_Oh, if I didn't I'm a fool you see_   
_No one knows this more than me_   
_As I come clean”_

To Jared, it feels like Jensen is singing right to him. He wishes that they were alone and not surrounded by people so he could show Jensen exactly how much the song means to him. Any little seed of nervousness about what he’s got planned for after the show evaporates into the ether. He’s never been more sure of anything in his life.

As the song comes to a close, the crowd whistles and cheers. Jensen looks up almost as if he’s remembering where he is, so swept away by the lyrics. He’s got that shy smile playing across his lips again but under the brim of his hat, his eyes are shining like green stars. He’s having the time of his life.

“Jensen Ackles, everybody!” Kane shouts. “Not just a pretty face after all”.

Jensen elbows him smartly in the ribs but he’s laughing while he does it.

“Ow! Alright, alright. Let’s pick it up a little boys”. The band reorganizes themselves a bit and launch into “ _Here I Go Again_ ” by Whitesnake. Kane takes the lead again and Jensen sings backup for him on the chorus with the rest of the band joining in but Jared can barely concentrate on the song change.

The only thing on his mind is the document in his pocket.

 

~~~

The last notes of “ _American Woman_ ” die down and the crowd cheers with their beers in outstretched hands toasting the band. Jensen is sweaty and his voice is starting to get tired. He can’t imagine how Kane does it since he’s the one pulling most of the vocal weight. Now he knows why Kane basically sleeps through every Saturday after a show. It’s more fun than he ever imagined though, and he’s almost sorry that their set is almost over. It’s been an exhilarating night.

“Thank you! Thank you! Ladies and gentleman, we’ve got one song left for you tonight but before we leave you, there’s someone here who wants to make a little announcement.”

Jensen looks over at Kane in confusion. This is news to him.

Suddenly Jared climbs up on stage, all awkward long legs and arms. He sends Jensen a sheepish grin as Kane throws an arm around his shoulder. “This is my buddy Jared Padalecki. Y’all might know him as the co-owner of Morgan’s Body Shop. He’s also my boss so everybody be nice! Jared, the mic is yours.”

Jared takes it from him as the crowd gives him some encouraging cheers, the loudest of all coming from Chad, Misha, and Dani. He clears his throat nervously. Jensen feels his palms start sweating in anticipation. What the hell is this all about?

“Uh, Hi. Chris was nice enough to let me get up here tonight to let you all know about a little change that’s going down over at Morgan’s. As of today we are officially under new management.”

What? Jensen is dumbstruck. Jared never once mentioned any of this to him.

“I had a little talk with my former co-owner Jeff Morgan, who has decided to let me buy him out. So from now on, Morgan’s is no more. Instead, we’re going to have a grand reopening in two weeks under our new shop name – Skin Deep.”

The crowd cheers. Jensen looks behind him to Kane and Steve. “Did you guys know about this?”

Kane gives him a crooked smile.   “Surprise?”

“And with the new shop name” Jared continues. “I’m going to need a new co-owner to help me out. Jensen?” Jared puts a hand on his shoulder and urges him forward.

“Jay, what the hell is going on?” Jensen whispers. “What are you doing?”

Jared takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and holds it in the air. “This is the new deed of ownership for the shop. All you have to do is sign at the bottom line and we’re in business. So, what do you say? Jensen, will you be my partner?”

Jensen is stunned. The crowd is going nuts. Jared just smiles at him and holds up a pen. _Please_ , he mouths.

This has to be a mistake. He must be losing his mind. “You’re crazy” he informs Jared.

Jared nods enthusiastically in agreement. “Is that a yes?”

Hands shaking, Jensen reaches out and takes the pen. “I can’t believe you” he mutters. He takes the deed and uses the space over Jared’s heart as a writing surface as he signs his name.

The crowd cheers for them and he can hear the band behind them clapping too. Jared’s eyes never leave his face as he writes. When he looks up, his eyes lock with Jared’s and what he sees there warms him down to his toes.

Kane steps forward and takes the mic from Jared. He puts an arm around each of them. “Ladies and gentlemen, the new owners of Morgan’s Body Shop, soon to be Skin Deep! Congratulations guys! And I expect to see everyone here at our grand reopening bash. Now let’s bring this show home!”

Jared gives him a quick hug as the band all grab their instruments and get ready to play again. “Talk later?”

“Oh you better believe it.” Jensen grumbles at him as he hops off stage. Jared has got some major explaining to do.

He shoots a glare at Kane, but he doesn’t have time to chew him out because the opening licks of “ _Sweet Child of Mine_ ” are already starting. Jensen makes a mental note to get him back later.

First things first. Jared.

 

~~~

“Oh my god Jared!” Danneel smacks him playfully in the arm. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Ow” Jared rubs his arm. “I wanted it to be a surprise”

“Mission accomplished” Misha smiles. “Congratulations, man. So that’s what you’ve been working on in your office for the past couple of weeks?”

“Yeah. I’ve been working the details out with Jeff and the bank. Then I had to get the legal side of the deed transfer going. It’s been kind of a bitch, but it was time you know? Jeff agrees. He moved on mentally a long time ago. This was really just the final formality. I’ve been thinking about doing it for a while…” Jared looks over to where Jensen is up on stage. “But it wasn’t until recently that I decided to finally go for it. Know what I mean?”

Misha follows his line of sight and smiles knowingly. “Yeah I think I know what you mean”.

“So Skin Deep huh?” Chad muses. “Kinda gay but whatever, I can make it work. Congratulations, dude.”

Jared laughs. “Thanks Chad. I’m glad I have your seal of approval.”

The songs ends and the audience cheers. Most of them are three sheets to the wind at this point and still going strong. Good times had by all.

“Thank you Blue Room and goodnight!” Kane shouts.

Jensen jumps down off the stage and the crowd parts for him as he makes a beeline for Jared. He looks like he wants to either throttle him or kiss him. Before Jared can find out which one it is Dani intercepts him, throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him for all she’s worth.

“Oh my god! You were sooooo good!” she half yells drunkenly into his ear.

Jensen winces at her volume but he hugs her back. “Thank you”

Misha points his Flip camera in his face and give him a high five. “Seriously great job, man. I got it all on video. So? How’s it feel? Your debut with the Winchesters and a fancy new promotion all in one night!”

Jensen levels a look at Jared. “Yeah isn’t that something”

“Dude, more importantly – “ Chad interrupts with a serious look on his face. “Basically every chick in this bar wants to fuck you right now. Probably some of the guys too. People eat that rockstar shit up. Like the second someone picks up a guitar their junk turns to gold. Hell, I’d probably fuck you right now if I swung that way.”

Jensen looks like he’s going to gag.

“Fuck you, I’d rock your world.” Chad retorts. “Whatever, the point is groupies! Groupies, man! Filthy dirty groupies willing to do filthy dirty things. Please tell me you’re not going to be greedy. Please tell me you’re going to toss a few to your old buddy Chad.”

Jared takes the opportunity to slide an arm around Jensen’s waist. Not that he’s worried. But it doesn’t hurt to remind Jensen he’s standing right there.

Jensen tilts his head up to Jared. There’s amusement in his eyes, and there’s fire there too brimming under the surface. “Take them all Chad. With my blessing.” He gives Jared a short kiss. Just a brush of lips really with a promise for more.

Dani makes a startled little noise and grabs Misha’s arm so he gets it on camera.

Chad stares at them in open mouthed shock. “When the fuck did this happen? How come no one told me?”

“Maybe we would have if we could ever get a word in edgewise when you’re around” Dani tells him flatly.

Misha just laughs as the two of them start bickering in earnest.

“So? Do you have to help Kane and them with their gear or…” Jared trails off, letting the palm of his hand shift lower on Jensen’s waist.

Jensen leans into him. “I think he’ll understand.”

“Good” Jared smiles. “Let’s get out of here.”

 

 ~~~

They manage to keep their hands off of each other the whole way back to Jensen’s in the cab and up the stairs to his apartment, both of them riding high on adrenaline and anticipation. But as soon as the front door shuts behind them, Jensen can’t handle it anymore. “Bedroom now” he growls as he chucks his jacket off and kicks off his shoes.

Jared actually looks nervous. “Don’t you want to talk about-“

“Later.” Jensen snaps, throwing his hat onto the coffee table. He turns Jared around and yanks his jacket off when Jared doesn’t move fast enough for his liking. “We’ll talk and you’ll explain and tell me exactly what the hell possessed you to pull that stunt tonight. But all of that will be later. Much later.”

He gives Jared a little shove to get him moving and thankfully Jared seems to finally get with the program. He stumbles down the hall to the bedroom ahead of Jensen, trying to rid himself of his shoes in the process. Jensen’s shirt ends up on the hallway floor, suspenders left to dangle from his waist.

It’s dark in the bedroom but Jensen doesn’t bother with the light. He’s too busy getting Jared’s clothes off. It’s made somewhat more complicated because can’t stop himself from kissing and biting every inch of skin he uncovers.

“Holy shit, Jen” Jared moans when Jensen flicks his tongue over one pierced nipple. Danneel’s handiwork.

“Naked. I need you naked.” Jensen pants. He breaks away from Jared long enough for him to get his pants and boxers off. His cock bobs up thick and hard towards his stomach.

Jared stares openly. “Oh god yes”. Seconds later, Jared’s practically rips his clothes off. He falls back onto the bed and pulls Jensen down on top of him.

His body is one long line of silky smooth muscle under Jensen’s hands, deliciously sensitive and shivering with every touch. His cock is huge and hard, slit glistening with precome. It’s more than Jensen could have imagined in his wildest wet dreams.

“Oh fuck I want you so bad. Tell me what you want, Jay. Anything you want.”

Jared wriggles a bit and bites his lip pink. “Most guys my size…people think I want to top all the time…”

Jensen kisses his way down Jared’s sternum. “But that’s not what you need, is it?”

“Ngh” Jared grunts, mouth falling open in pleasure.

“You need someone else to take control sometimes.” Jensen continues, nibbling at the rows of muscle across Jared’s stomach. “Take care of you. Make you feel good. Make you fall apart.”

“Yes.” Jared hisses desperately. “How-“

“Cause I know you, Jay.” He breathes in the heady scent of sex at the base of Jared’s cock. “Taking care of you is what I do best.” Jensen licks up in a long line from root to tip and swallows him down, tongue swirling over the delicate flesh.

“Ah!” Jared shouts and arcs up off the bed. “Your fucking mouth. Been dreaming about that mouth forever.”

Jensen hums around his cock and sucks him deeper. It’s been awhile since he’s done this and Jared is really big, so he uses his hand to stroke what he can’t fit in his mouth. It’s messy, but Jared is whimpering and gripping the sheets like it’s the best thing he’s ever felt.

The little sounds that Jared makes are driving him crazy. It’s amazing but it’s not enough. He wants to hear him come. Jensen grabs blindly for the nightstand, retrieving lube and a couple of condoms. He slicks up two fingers as he suckles at the head of Jared’s cock, tongue lapping precome out of his slit.

Jared moans and spreads his legs wantonly when Jensen rubs his fingers over Jared’s hole, getting him nice and wet before pressing in. He bucks his hips down against Jensen’s fingers, forcing them deeper.

Jensen sucks him eagerly and twists his fingers, searching for that sensitive spot. He knows he’s found it when Jared jerks like he’s gotten an electric shock. He wraps a hand around the back of Jensen’s neck, thrusting shallowly up into his mouth and back down on his fingers. “More. Need more.”

Jensen obliges him, pressing a third finger in and stretching him open.

“Yes! So good. Oh fuck.” Jared moans and pulls his legs open wider.

Jensen circles his tongue under the head of Jared’s cock and presses in deep with his fingers, rubbing gently against that spot.

Jared keens and he comes hard, shooting down Jensen’s throat. It’s thick and warm and Jensen takes it all. He’s still trembling in the aftershocks of his orgasm when Jensen kisses his way back up Jared’s body.

“Gonna fuck you, Jay.” He mouths against the tender flesh of Jared’s neck as he grinds the hard length of his cock against Jared’s, spent and oversensitized. “That what you want?”

Jared’s breath hitches and he curls his fingers into Jensen’s hair. “Please. Fuck me. Need you.“

“I know. I know, baby. I got you”.

When he sinks into Jared, it’s like his body is welcoming him home. Tight lube-wet heat that he can feel encasing him even through the condom. The pleasure of it is like a velvet punch to the gut.

Jared groans deeply. He wraps his arms and legs around Jensen, clinging and drawing him in closer. Deeper. He rolls his hips, encouraging Jensen to move inside him. Begging for it with every caress of his fingertips up and down Jensen’s back.

And Jensen does move.   Slow at first, savoring every sensation. Grinding deep until he makes Jared grunt in his throat. The feeling is overwhelming, building like a brush fire in his blood. Quickly it gets to the point where slow isn’t enough anymore. His body demands for him to take, so he does.

Harder. Faster. His hips driving a rough rhythm as Jared writhes beneath him, swearing and chanting his name like a prayer. Sweat drips from their bodies, slick inked up skin sliding against skin. It’s intense. The most frantic crazy intense thing Jensen’s ever felt, and he dear god he’s aching to come but he never wants it to end.

Need. Lust. Love. Ecstasy. There just aren’t enough words. He can feel his orgasm building at the base of his spine and he's helpless against its pull.   Hips stuttering wildly, he pins Jared down to the bed and fucks into him desperately. “Jay! Fuck. Fuck. I’m gonna-“ Before he can even get the words out he’s coming, vision whiting out as his hips pump forward one last time. Jared groans and grabs his ass, pulling him in deep as Jensen spills into him. They collapse together in a heap, sweat damp and hearts racing.

Jensen extracts himself just long enough to roll off the condom before laying out on his stomach next to the furnace hot heat of Jared’s body. He could die happy right there.

“Jen?”

“Ngh”

Soft kisses trail across his shoulders, “Jen?”

“Hmm?”

“You called me baby”

“Did not.” He mumbles into his pillow.

“Yes you did.”

“That’s a bald-faced lie. I did no such thing.”

“Yes you did.” Jared laughs. He nuzzles his nose into the nape of Jensen’s neck. “I kinda liked it”.

“Really?” Jensen muses.

Jared strokes his hands down Jensen’s sides, massaging circles with his thumbs as they travel lower. “Really”. His weight shifts on the bed until Jensen can feel him, pressing hard against his hip.

Jensen smiles. “That much huh?”

“You’re naked. I can’t help it.” Jared rubs his ass, squeezing lightly.

Jensen tilts his hips up in an unconscious invitation. “I thought you wanted to talk.”

“I thought you said later.” Jared kisses the small of Jensen’s back. “Actually I’m pretty sure you said _much_ later. I’m thinking it should be _after-I-fuck-you-into-the-mattress_ later.

Jensen feels his cock give a half-hearted twitch. All of a sudden round two doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. “Don’t you have clients tomorrow? You should probably get some sleep, huh?” he teases.

Jared silences him with a long broad swipe of his tongue over his hole. Jensen gasps and jerks, legs parting easily for him.  
  
Jared nips playfully at the meat of his ass. “Luckily my new boss is in love with me”.

“Boss?” Jensen croaks. He’s quickly losing coherency thanks to Jared’s talented tongue. “I'm not your boss.  God, don’t call me that.  Ah fuck!  Especially not when you’re doing that.  S’sexual harassment…or something”

Jared hums happily and Jensen can feel it vibrate right up his spine.

“You ain’t seen nothing yet, Boss.”

 

~The End~  


End file.
